No blog last night. Not that you noticed.Well, not much happens between Halloween and Bonfire Night in this neck of the woods and to tell you the truth, well sometimes I simply can't be bothered.
Not often, but sometimes.
Sometimes I'd rather slip off my shoes, release my socks from my ankles, light a candle, and breathe in the sweet smell of lilies - and who wouldn't?
I don't relax much, I'm not a relaxing kind of person, but sometimes I just want to switch off.
Switching off is hard though. Switching off means forgetting about the shed that needs moving, the bank accounts that need checking, the essay that needs writing, the glass that needs painting, the soup (pumpkin) that needs souping, the Facebook that needs checking, the carpet that needs cleaning, the book that needs writing, the painting that needs painting, the blog that needs blogging, the....
Well, you get the picture.
Relaxation is something I'm learning though. It's taking time and is a bit of a stop-start process. It involves painting fence posts very slowly, white and blue alternately, making sure the paint never touches the sides. It involves slowly descending staircases to a place where I am totally comfortable, a mobile home by the sea, warm with a stove and low maintenance with the sound of waves and a decent rum to sip. It involves recognising that I can be kind to myself and that there is no need to beat myself up, realising my best is good enough even if I will never be Dali. It involves imagining a tall building... a skyscraper somewhere..... at night.... it has ten floors... and each floor is lit up... and with each breath out... I count aloud from ten down to one ... and with each breath out... one floor of that building goes dark.... from the top down.... and as I breath out... as each floor goes dark.... those numbers begin to disappear until I just can't find the next number... and each breath out takes me down and down... deeper and deeper... darker and darker.... it's good... and each breath out can make me so relaxed... so comfortable...
It involves trying to do small things that make me feel good each day. Kind words, small acts, recognitions, smiles, helping. Seeing the world the way that I want to see it, not the way it wants me to see it.
I'm learning, slowly but surely I'm learning. Time to take my socks off I think.
Heck, don't ever think we don't notice... but now we're all too tranquil to zzzzzzzz....
ReplyDeleteColin Tickle on Facebook:
ReplyDeleteBeautiful blog and i'm with you on everything except smelling the lillies. i hate the smell of lillies.
Lovely blog. Ironically - I have just sat down to relax in front of the TV before I arrange some freshly bought lillies. I might even light a candle....
ReplyDeleteI love it that you are still there Nicki. You pop in and out of my blog life and it makes me so happy. You always were the darkest of horses. xx
ReplyDeleteVicky Sutcliffe on Facebook: Good blog... Reeeellllax x
ReplyDeleteEmma Cholmondeley on Facebook:
ReplyDeleteHeck of course I noticed.......repeat after me "I am amazing" and more importantly "I am good enough" :-). A mantra I learned at a 'fix up' teachers motivational conference on Monday. Felt really uplifted by the end :-)
You said you were going to hate it when you were sitting in the car waiting for it to start.
ReplyDeleteThe 'not beating yourself up' is quite the key. Especially when you aren't where you think life expects you to be. Relaxing... yes. Perhaps that bubble bath and book is waiting for me later. Must 'dyson' a few stairs first though. Fab blog.
ReplyDeleteMore from Emma:
ReplyDeleteAndrew Height: Seriously though - I am amazing and more importantly I am good enough.
Emma Cholmondeley: Hey I was being serious :-/
Andrew Height: Me too. I am working on this all the time - I'm not joking - I am amazing and more importantly I am good enough. It is just so hard to accept given all the givens. Fortunately and for the first time in my life strangers are making me feel valued and those strangers are becoming my friends... how strange.
Emma Cholmondeley Not strange.....uplifting :-)