Iguanas, Jean Paul, Falstaff, world dictators…

It seems that my latest silly addiction is to find out about myself from oddly constructed questionnaires which keep popping up on Facebook. I can’t let one pass without setting out on a path of self-discovery that seemingly can lead me anywhere. So far I have found out that I should really be living in Devon, that if I were an animal I would be an iguana, and that if I were a classic car I would be a Ford Consul.

I don’t know how these things work, I guess it’ll be some sort of algorithm or something, but the questions they ask seem to be pretty random. I really can’t see how picking my favourite Beyoncé should lead me to be defined as St Peter in the ‘which Jesus follower are you?’ questionnaire. Or how picking which desperate housewife I would like to have dinner with should lead to me becoming an almost unknown English philosopher, whose name I can’t even remember, in the ‘Which philosopher are you?’ teaser. Besides, I am clearly Jean Paul Sartre; after all, three o’clock is too late or too early for anything you want to do and words are loaded pistols – comprenez-vous?

Strangely though, when I feel that the results truly reflect my persona I get a little golden glow of pride, smugness even. When I heard that I was Vincent Van Gogh merely by picking my favourite holiday destination (Provence), flower (sunflower), carrion bird (crow), and facial feature (ear) I was pretty chuffed and a little surprised (not). I felt positively relieved when the ‘Where in the UK should you be from?’ correctly distinguished me as being an Oxonian and not from some working class place like Merseyside or The Black Country. In terms of what my profession should be I was pleased as the proverbial punch to find that I should be a writer, and then there was the ‘Which Shakespearian character are you?’ quiz.

‘Just which Shakespearian character will I be?’ I wondered as I began answering the questions. I thought it pretty unlikely that I would be Cleopatra, Othello, or Oberon. But Bottom, Prospero, Shylock, maybe even Lear, seemed a possibility. Working my way through the questions and answers I pretty soon realised who I would become, and, odds bodkins Sirrah, that’s just who I turned out to be!

It would appear that I am the living embodiment of Sir John Falstaff from Henry IV parts 1 and 2, and The Merry Wives of Windsor. At first glance he seems to be a fat, boastful, disingenuous, and cowardly knight, but beneath this thin veneer is a complex character of many layers. He’s funny, often loyal, very aware of his own mortality and able to change his views dependent on the situation. He’s a survivor, happy to run when he knows that he can’t win; he knows his own strengths and weaknesses. At times he wallows in self-pity, but a few glasses of wine soon put that right. Yes, Falstaff is a legend of his own pomposity-filled making and above all he doesn’t give a flying fart what other people think of him.

Yes, Falstaff seems to suit me, I fit into his skin in so many ways.

I wonder which world dictator I will be?