Oh no, the sky is falling…
Remember that story at primary school, the one about Chicken-licken?
Chicken-licken, Turkey-lurkey, Hen-len, Cock-Lock, Duck-luck, Drake-lake, Goose-loose, Gander-lander, and of course Fox-lox. Do you remember them? With names like that you could hardly forget them could you?
Chicken-licken caused a real panic when an acorn fell on his head and he mistakenly thought that the sky was falling down around him – well now it’s happening all over again.
Well not quite, but almost. And when I say almost, I mean worse almost, much worse almost. I heard some very bad news on the radio this morning…
I’m afraid that the sun is going out.
Those bloody scientists, not content with worrying us to death about climate change, are now saying that the sun has been getting cooler for decades and that there aren’t any sunspots and very few solar flares any more.
Q. Solar flares? Sun spots? What does that mean?
A. Well, do you remember that hot summer back in the seventies, I think it was seventy-six, when you couldn’t get a decent picture on the telly and it was really annoying because you were watching Wimbledon? Navrátilová and Borg. Well, that was solar flares and sun spots - so at least you should be able to watch the tennis in peace this year. Ivanovic and Nadal – go on put a bet on.
Apparently the Sun normally undergoes an eleven year cycle of activity and at its peak it spits out solar flares and chunks of super-hot gas the size of planets causing sun spots – this shows that the sun is working. Then it all dies down for a bit. Last year was expected to be the end of a pretty quiet spell in solar activity terms, but instead the sun hit a fifty year low in solar wind pressure, an even bigger fifty-five year low in radio emissions, and a massive hundred year low in sunspot activity.
Q. How do they know all of this?
A. Dunno, but they do.
Q. What does it all mean?
A. Dunno.
Q. Is it bad?
A. Dunno, maybe.
Q. Are we all doomed?
A. ... Eventually.
The last time this kind of thing happened was in the mid-seventeenth century and it led to a mini-ice age that lasted for seventy years, but before you dash out to buy a pair of skates in readiness for the skating at the New Thames Frost Fair, the scientists are saying that this isn’t going to happen this time around. So - no chance of anyone leading an elephant across the ice at Blackfriars Bridge, as they did at the last fair in February 1814.
Q. Why?
A. Because even very religious elephants can’t walk on water.
Q. No, why no mini-ice age if the sun is cooling?
A. Because of global warming.
Q. But surely if the sun is getting dimmer and it’s getting colder that means that we can all stop worrying about global warming?
A. I’m afraid not. It is actually not as hot as it would have been if the sun hadn’t cooled off and if it warms up again we are all going to fry a lot quicker.
Q. What are we going to do?
A. Dunno.
Q. Dunno?
A. Dunno.
I wouldn’t worry though - remember the tale of Chicken-licken? Well, Turkey-lurkey, Hen-len, Cock-Lock, Duck-luck, Drake-lake, Goose-loose, Gander-lander, and Chichen-licken weren’t killed by the sky falling on their heads after all, or even by an acorn. No… fox-lox ate them all.
Something similar (well maybe we won’t get eaten by a fox) is bound to come along and get us before the sun goes out completely.
I wonder what it’ll be?
Remember that story at primary school, the one about Chicken-licken?
Chicken-licken, Turkey-lurkey, Hen-len, Cock-Lock, Duck-luck, Drake-lake, Goose-loose, Gander-lander, and of course Fox-lox. Do you remember them? With names like that you could hardly forget them could you?
Chicken-licken caused a real panic when an acorn fell on his head and he mistakenly thought that the sky was falling down around him – well now it’s happening all over again.
Well not quite, but almost. And when I say almost, I mean worse almost, much worse almost. I heard some very bad news on the radio this morning…
I’m afraid that the sun is going out.
Those bloody scientists, not content with worrying us to death about climate change, are now saying that the sun has been getting cooler for decades and that there aren’t any sunspots and very few solar flares any more.
Q. Solar flares? Sun spots? What does that mean?
A. Well, do you remember that hot summer back in the seventies, I think it was seventy-six, when you couldn’t get a decent picture on the telly and it was really annoying because you were watching Wimbledon? Navrátilová and Borg. Well, that was solar flares and sun spots - so at least you should be able to watch the tennis in peace this year. Ivanovic and Nadal – go on put a bet on.
Apparently the Sun normally undergoes an eleven year cycle of activity and at its peak it spits out solar flares and chunks of super-hot gas the size of planets causing sun spots – this shows that the sun is working. Then it all dies down for a bit. Last year was expected to be the end of a pretty quiet spell in solar activity terms, but instead the sun hit a fifty year low in solar wind pressure, an even bigger fifty-five year low in radio emissions, and a massive hundred year low in sunspot activity.
Q. How do they know all of this?
A. Dunno, but they do.
Q. What does it all mean?
A. Dunno.
Q. Is it bad?
A. Dunno, maybe.
Q. Are we all doomed?
A. ... Eventually.
The last time this kind of thing happened was in the mid-seventeenth century and it led to a mini-ice age that lasted for seventy years, but before you dash out to buy a pair of skates in readiness for the skating at the New Thames Frost Fair, the scientists are saying that this isn’t going to happen this time around. So - no chance of anyone leading an elephant across the ice at Blackfriars Bridge, as they did at the last fair in February 1814.
Q. Why?
A. Because even very religious elephants can’t walk on water.
Q. No, why no mini-ice age if the sun is cooling?
A. Because of global warming.
Q. But surely if the sun is getting dimmer and it’s getting colder that means that we can all stop worrying about global warming?
A. I’m afraid not. It is actually not as hot as it would have been if the sun hadn’t cooled off and if it warms up again we are all going to fry a lot quicker.
Q. What are we going to do?
A. Dunno.
Q. Dunno?
A. Dunno.
I wouldn’t worry though - remember the tale of Chicken-licken? Well, Turkey-lurkey, Hen-len, Cock-Lock, Duck-luck, Drake-lake, Goose-loose, Gander-lander, and Chichen-licken weren’t killed by the sky falling on their heads after all, or even by an acorn. No… fox-lox ate them all.
Something similar (well maybe we won’t get eaten by a fox) is bound to come along and get us before the sun goes out completely.
I wonder what it’ll be?
Is that why we're having an early summer spell this year?! Apparently, London was hotter than Rome yesterday! I heard that the retractable roof should be ready for use at Wimbledon this year - is it supposed to be used to combat the heat or just the rain, depending what the sky will throw at us?! Think you're right about Nadal, although Federer will give him a good run for his money, and Murray will be trying hard too... In times when global warming is coming to get us, livestock is being raided from farms, it all seems a bit ironic that it is both Earth Day and the Budget today....
ReplyDeleteI remember that non stop heatwave of a summer in 1976 especially Wimbledon as I was a Borg fanatic. I'm one of those people who moan about the heat and stay out of the sun I'm afraid!
ReplyDeleteI'm rooting for Nadal.
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ReplyDeleteI was thinking about getting an electric car to save the environment. http://www.engadget.com/2009/04/21/bee-one-electric-car-to-be-tiny-cheap-and-cute/
ReplyDeleteNot any more after Chicken Lickens advice. I'll buy a big car to pump greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. So we can make a giant greenhouse and trap all the nice warm air in before the sun dies!
Either that or Foxy Loxy will eat us all.
We also had a plague of ladydids that year - might blog that.
ReplyDelete