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April 2nd… phew! Safe for another year.
For those of you that read and swallowed my post about the origins of April Fool’s day yesterday I have tell you… APRIL FOOL!
It was all made up from beginning to end. There never was an ‘Aypril Foel’, nor did he carry a pig’s bladder filled with lunatic’s urine, and there’s no such thing as ‘Shrugging the Mark’… and yes BMD, well done, I did write the ‘Noah Trueworthy’ (No AH True Worthy) piece – I wrote it all - it was all invention!
HA!
… and don’t worry it was written before Midday so I won’t reflect bad luck on myself.
I know that my friend Mr Kirkham read it. He rang me to tell me.
Yesterday, April Fool’s day, was his first day away from my evil clutches – how very apt.
Apparently he got up around eleven, wandered downstairs (in his off-white towelling bathrobe), and switched on the TV to watch Tricia – it would seem that his life is rapidly expanding to become one long, frantic, social whirl of daytime television and pot noodles. Tricia was talking about how some family or other had almost been destroyed by a disagreement over a £12.99 anorak, he couldn’t quite follow it because he was only half awake (no real change there then), nor did he fully understand the interview that followed where some chap or other wanted to marry his blow up doll.
He told me that he’d almost choked on the packet of Doritos that he was munching when he heard this – well, not the packet – he wasn’t actually eating the packet… he hasn’t degenerated that far yet – but it came as quite a surprise to him… he’d always thought that he was the only one.
Anyway, after taking a swig of his lager to calm himself, he decided to check his mails… He had adverts! “Wow!” As you probably know Glynne loves buying stuff - particularly when the stuff to be bought is really cool, guy thing, gizmo, gottahave, techno habit type stuff!
“Double wow!” He couldn’t believe his eyes… this had to be his lucky day – “Sat Nav Shoes – wow, wow, wow, wo, wow!” Just what he’d always wanted - shoes with sat nav technology built in! “How cool is that? Gottahave, gottahave!” He’d blubbered from the other end of the phone – he was on his i-phone… well, isn’t he always?
You can check out Glynne’s Sat Nav shoes here.
“But that isn’t all!” He went on to tell me about another fantastic piece of gizmology that could actually record dreams! It was a little hard to make out exactly what he was saying because he was really excited and talking way too fast - like an auctioneer on speed - but it was something about what a great time he could have playing back this fantastic recurring dream that he’s been having lately where he noshes away at a huge pork chop mountain… “Yum, yum – I just bear them Pork ting tings!” - His words, not mine.
Here’s where you can find poor Glynne’s Dream Recorder.
By this time I was getting worried. How could this have happened so fast? He seemed fine when I last saw him – but now… He was off again… “Oh, my God! It just gets better… a powder that turns water into beer… that even beats my ‘Spy Watch’, the one with the built in photo display and the MP3 player… remember how I used to gaze at the Spice Girls’ as I danced around the office to the sound of ‘Wannabe’.. a zigazig, zigazig ha!”
What a shame, totally deranged… Here’s the poor deluded fellow’s Beer Powder.
As I said - what a shame - he must have just too much time on his hands and that, coupled with the Dorito jag and possibly beer hallucinations… well, let’s just say he’s been ‘Touched by the Fool’ shall we?
He seemed a little crestfallen when I reminded him about April 1st and that all the gadgets he was planning on buying, even Tricia’s interviews, were simply April Fool’s jokes and not really available to purchase at all.
“Not even on-line?” He asked.
“Not even on-line, old chum.” I replied.
“Not available…even on-line...” He mumbled and I’m sure that I heard a disappointed sob as he said it. “Not available… not - even – on - line.” He repeated - and with that he seemed to perk up a little. “Oh well… At least I can rely on you and your blog – no tricks there. You’d never try to make a fool of me, would you? You’re my friend. I’m off to read it now, cheer myself up a bit, no use worrying is there? That’s it… chin up old me… chin up…Bye.”
“Glynne… One last thing, before you go…” But he’d already put the phone down.
What a really nice chap he is – totally bonkers - and he really couldn’t organise the proverbial in a brewery these days.... but… well - if not him - then me… I needed to ‘Shrug the Mark'. After all, I don’t want to be ‘Marked by the Fool’ do I?
Glynne… Check the Proverbial out. It may help, and remember ‘All Hallows’ is on the 31st of October. All you have to do is hang on until then.
Good luck Glynne… good luck old chap.
For those of you that read and swallowed my post about the origins of April Fool’s day yesterday I have tell you… APRIL FOOL!
It was all made up from beginning to end. There never was an ‘Aypril Foel’, nor did he carry a pig’s bladder filled with lunatic’s urine, and there’s no such thing as ‘Shrugging the Mark’… and yes BMD, well done, I did write the ‘Noah Trueworthy’ (No AH True Worthy) piece – I wrote it all - it was all invention!
HA!
… and don’t worry it was written before Midday so I won’t reflect bad luck on myself.
I know that my friend Mr Kirkham read it. He rang me to tell me.
Yesterday, April Fool’s day, was his first day away from my evil clutches – how very apt.
Apparently he got up around eleven, wandered downstairs (in his off-white towelling bathrobe), and switched on the TV to watch Tricia – it would seem that his life is rapidly expanding to become one long, frantic, social whirl of daytime television and pot noodles. Tricia was talking about how some family or other had almost been destroyed by a disagreement over a £12.99 anorak, he couldn’t quite follow it because he was only half awake (no real change there then), nor did he fully understand the interview that followed where some chap or other wanted to marry his blow up doll.
He told me that he’d almost choked on the packet of Doritos that he was munching when he heard this – well, not the packet – he wasn’t actually eating the packet… he hasn’t degenerated that far yet – but it came as quite a surprise to him… he’d always thought that he was the only one.
Anyway, after taking a swig of his lager to calm himself, he decided to check his mails… He had adverts! “Wow!” As you probably know Glynne loves buying stuff - particularly when the stuff to be bought is really cool, guy thing, gizmo, gottahave, techno habit type stuff!
“Double wow!” He couldn’t believe his eyes… this had to be his lucky day – “Sat Nav Shoes – wow, wow, wow, wo, wow!” Just what he’d always wanted - shoes with sat nav technology built in! “How cool is that? Gottahave, gottahave!” He’d blubbered from the other end of the phone – he was on his i-phone… well, isn’t he always?
You can check out Glynne’s Sat Nav shoes here.
“But that isn’t all!” He went on to tell me about another fantastic piece of gizmology that could actually record dreams! It was a little hard to make out exactly what he was saying because he was really excited and talking way too fast - like an auctioneer on speed - but it was something about what a great time he could have playing back this fantastic recurring dream that he’s been having lately where he noshes away at a huge pork chop mountain… “Yum, yum – I just bear them Pork ting tings!” - His words, not mine.
Here’s where you can find poor Glynne’s Dream Recorder.
By this time I was getting worried. How could this have happened so fast? He seemed fine when I last saw him – but now… He was off again… “Oh, my God! It just gets better… a powder that turns water into beer… that even beats my ‘Spy Watch’, the one with the built in photo display and the MP3 player… remember how I used to gaze at the Spice Girls’ as I danced around the office to the sound of ‘Wannabe’.. a zigazig, zigazig ha!”
What a shame, totally deranged… Here’s the poor deluded fellow’s Beer Powder.
As I said - what a shame - he must have just too much time on his hands and that, coupled with the Dorito jag and possibly beer hallucinations… well, let’s just say he’s been ‘Touched by the Fool’ shall we?
He seemed a little crestfallen when I reminded him about April 1st and that all the gadgets he was planning on buying, even Tricia’s interviews, were simply April Fool’s jokes and not really available to purchase at all.
“Not even on-line?” He asked.
“Not even on-line, old chum.” I replied.
“Not available…even on-line...” He mumbled and I’m sure that I heard a disappointed sob as he said it. “Not available… not - even – on - line.” He repeated - and with that he seemed to perk up a little. “Oh well… At least I can rely on you and your blog – no tricks there. You’d never try to make a fool of me, would you? You’re my friend. I’m off to read it now, cheer myself up a bit, no use worrying is there? That’s it… chin up old me… chin up…Bye.”
“Glynne… One last thing, before you go…” But he’d already put the phone down.
What a really nice chap he is – totally bonkers - and he really couldn’t organise the proverbial in a brewery these days.... but… well - if not him - then me… I needed to ‘Shrug the Mark'. After all, I don’t want to be ‘Marked by the Fool’ do I?
Glynne… Check the Proverbial out. It may help, and remember ‘All Hallows’ is on the 31st of October. All you have to do is hang on until then.
Good luck Glynne… good luck old chap.
I must remind myself, next time I find myself unemployed on April 1st to stay in bed until after dinnertime. That was a scary day.
ReplyDeletePoor Glynne - the sooner you start your new job the better.
ReplyDeleteActually Andi I fell for the whole story just believed that you were gilding the lily with the Noah Trueworthy piece knowing how creatively you like to write. But didn't get the No AH bit though so no glory in getting something when you haven't actually got it at all.