Misty? Misty? Misty...?

Misty has been acting very strangely recently. She sometimes won't come to her name and seems to be able to disappear into thin air at the drop of a hat.

I was in the kitchen the other night and I could have sworn that she was sitting by my feet... well, the next minute she'd disappeared and all that was left was a thin wisp of grey smoke that must have been coming from the oven.

She's also taken to performing acrobatics in the small wee hours of the morning. Odd, as she's always been a ‘sleep quietly in a corner right the way through the night’ sort of cat but something, maybe the warm spring air, has turned her into some sort of feline circus act. I found her the other morning leaping from banister rail to banister rail performing a double somersault in mid-air as she did so.

Our house is tall and thin, and the stairs run up and up through the centre of it – three floors above ground, two turns, half landings and a long way up… and down.

Very worrying...

Also… funny things have started to happen in the night. Maybe I was dreaming but I’m sure I saw a rabbit on the stairs the over evening and playing cards keep appearing all over the floor… that can’t be Misty - can it?

‘Ladieees and Gentlemen presenting… the Amazing Mistoffelees!!!

How good does that sound? Mistoffelees. So much more fitting than plain old Misty. My new name, my stage name, is Mist-off-el-ees… it has a certain ‘je ne sais quois’ don’t you think? And isn’t it fitting that I should call myself after such a famous cat - "the original conjuring cat", that’s me, "deceiving you into believing that I’m only hunting for mice".

As the song says... They call me Cat, They call me Misty, They call me Moo, They call me Pain...That's not my name, That's not my name, That's not my name, That's not my name.

I’m learning all the tricks you know. Rabbits out of hats, sleight of hand, silk scarves out of thin air – that ones a bit tricky, my claws keep shredding the hissing silk.

I’ve come a long way since Foodies taught me ‘paws’. I can do loads of tricks now. Good job I found that book of poems, it was an inspiration to me. T.S. Elliot… now there’s a trainer. You can forget ‘paws’ - too easy - just a starting point - T.S. has taught me everything I know.
I learn it from a book. It has been an education.
I can do more magic than Harry Potter and Harry Houdini put together - and I look so much like the original with my white gloves, spats, and waistcoat. Maybe I should be a bit blacker – but dark grey IS the new black, so I think I qualify … and I’ve been practicing loads when the ‘Keepers’ are fast asleep.

I’m sure Lord Lloyd-Webber will be impressed when I audition, by then I should be ‘trick-perfect’

Here’s where I’m up to so far... I can creep through the tiniest crack, I can walk on the narrowest rail, I can pick any card from a pack, I’m equally cunning with dice - and, as you know, I am always deceiving them into believing that I’m only hunting for mice. I can play any trick with a cork, or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste; and If they look for a knife or a fork then they think it is merely misplaced - they see it one moment, and then it is gawn! But they'll find it next week lying out on the lawn… and, I’m even trying to teach myself how to fly!

Abracadabra, Hey Presto, Shazam! The original conjuring cat - me – the only such Cat in the metropolis – Manchester that is - I hold all the patent monopolies for performing surprising illusions, and creating eccentric confusions. At prestidigitation and at legerdemain, I'll defy examination.

Anyway – must get on. I have a lady to saw in half and I haven’t quite perfected the flying yet – I’m going to try it from the third floor banister to give me plenty of lift. Better get it right though, I’m down to three lives…”

... You know what I found her doing last night?

Jumping from the top banister rail - she only just managed to turn in mid-air and land on the second-floor landing, it could have been really nasty if she’d fallen all the way… good job she’s got nine-lives.

Maybe I should get a net. What do you think?

The Mistoffelees link.