Valentine and Cupid…

How is it possible to despise someone who died almost two millenniums ago? Well, I guess the seven mobsters who died in the St Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929 might have a reason; but that was mainly coincidental in St Valentine’s Day terms. What isn’t so coincidental, and certainly not at all hearts and roses, is that it appears St Valentine was just as big an extortionist as Al Capone who ordered the St Valentine’s Day Massacre.

In around 300AD pre-St Valentine would roam around Rome applying chastity belts to the pelvises of all married or soon to be married women. Just who gave him the authority to do this I don’t know. Maybe it was the Pope; it seems like a Popish thing to do. In order to get these chastity belts removed, the husbands and suitors of these women would have to give pre-St Valentine gifts and expensive trinkets. In return for these gifts, pre-St Valentine would remove the iron chastity belts and the men could once again enjoy their true love. If gifts weren’t forthcoming I guess that it meant that the man didn’t love his woman. Maybe that’s why women give men such a hard time if they doesn’t rush off to the supermarket on Valentine’s Day and buy a cheesy card.

As an interesting aside, the use of chastity belts was common in England until Victorian times and they became known as ‘Valentine Savers’.

Of course, you may need to take the above with a large pinch of salt. But then what about Cupid? You’d need an even bigger pinch of salt to believe that Cupid flew around on those tiny wings shooting arrows dipped in love potions at people and making them fall in love. What if he took someone’s eye out? Mind you the Roman cults who worshiped him were taking more than an eye out and they weren’t really celebrating love at all. To them Cupid was about lust, desire, and erotic love (hence Cupid’s Greek counterpart Eros) and the orgies that took place in his name were excessive; sometimes involving hundreds of people, animals, and inanimate statues. There was a salty love potion involved, which all the women were required to drink before the ceremony, but we’ll leave that there. Yes, it seems there was more prick to Cupid’s arrows than meets the proverbial eye – in or taken out.

Why, oh why Valentine’s Day? Cupid and Valentine aside, the idea of giving gifts and cards on just one particular ‘love’ day strikes me as pretty ridiculous. If you love someone it’s an all of the time thing. Buy those flowers and chocolates when your beloved is least expecting them, not because there’s a day set aside to meet an expectation driven by sugared-up ancient rituals and card companies.

Yes, if I had my way I’d shoot that stupid cupid with one of his own arrows. That’d make him see my point.