Sandwich secrets…

Life is too full of decision. How will I ever cope?

You know when you make a sandwich from two slices of white bread? Should you put the two rounded crust pieces together or be a rebel and turn one upside down, top to tail? Should you cut it in half, cut into quarters, or not cut at all? Should you cut on the diagonal or horizontal and should it be top to bottom or side to side?

So many decisions from two slices of bread and I haven’t even considered the filling yet.

I can’t remember the first time I made a sandwich. I don’t remember being taught how to do it, it’s just one of those things that I seem to have always known how to do. Perhaps just watching sandwiches being made was how I learnt the sandwich art. I remember well those school trip sandwiches – egg and cress or luncheon meat, always made from white sliced bread and wrapped in greaseproof paper.

Picnic sandwiches, birthday party sandwiches, packed lunch sandwiches, breakfast sandwiches, feeling peckish sandwiches… I wonder just how many sandwiches I’ve eaten. If I started eating sandwiches aged four and ate just five each week it’s around 13,500 – that’s over 1,300 loaves of bread.

Are bread rolls sandwiches? What about French sticks? Do toasted sandwiches count? Are two slices of bread and butter with no filling a sandwich? Can an open sandwich really be a sandwich? Wraps aren’t sandwiches, are they? Pitas can’t be sandwiches surely?

I’m not one for fancy sandwiches. You can keep your Brie and grape, smoked salmon and cream cheese, and stuff your avocado and sun-dried tomato. I’m more of a traditional sandwich man.

My top ten sandwiches (not ranked):

1. Tuna (or tinned salmon) and cucumber

2. Extra mature Cheddar cheese and chutney

3. Sausage (preferably pork and leek) and mustard

4. Roast chicken and stuffing

5. Sliced egg salad

6. Peanut butter

7. Mashed egg and cress

8. Bacon

9. Roast beef and horseradish

10. Pork and mustard

Ham is sometimes in there and sometimes not, and turkey and cranberry would be in at Christmas. As a boy I loved Daddies Sauce sandwiches and I’m still partial to a luncheon meat sandwich and the occasional corned beef and beetroot sandwich. I like my cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and plenty of salt on my home grown tomato sandwiches. I don’t like the sandwiches in America – they are far too full. I hate fruit, chocolate spread, and jam sandwiches. I think I like potted paste sandwiches but am always left feeling disappointed and dissatisfied. Prawn sandwiches look great but are usually tasteless and watery. I have never really enjoyed a BLT. I don’t think that chip or fish-finger sandwiches are really sandwiches at all. White bread is better than brown, but sometimes I really like multigrain.

Here are a couple of secret guilty pleasures - I have been known to enjoy a cold baked bean or cold leftover chilli sandwich and (despite not wanting to – honestly) I have made and eaten crisp sandwiches.

There. I’m all sandwiched out.