F**k, b******s, t**t...

“‘Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck!”

As Shakespeare knew, there’s nothing like a good swear to get an audience’s attention and, up until those po-faced Victorians decided to ‘not be amused’, swearing didn’t carry quite the ridiculous stigma it does today. In fact it was fun. Swearing is seen by many as indicative of low intellect; others see the use of ‘foul language’ as unnecessary. Well as Dylan Thomas would have said from his fictional village of Llareggub (Bugger all backwards) “Fuck them all!”

The Saxons are often credited for the invention of most of our swear words. In reality very few swear words in use today are of Saxon invention and those that are tend to be mainly scatological. Shit is a true Anglo Saxon word; it appears in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, along with fart and arse. Back then they were all just everyday words used in everyday conversation as in: ‘I farteth and a grate shite felle oute mine arse.’

Many swear words are of religious derivation, simple oaths used by priest and monks that later became vilified as blasphemy. ‘God’s Truth’ later became ‘Strewth’, ‘God damn thine eyes’ became shortened to ‘Goddam’ then diluted to an innocuous ‘Darned’, ‘Gosh!’ is a watered down ‘God!’, ‘Heck’ a sanitised ‘Hecate’ or ‘Hell’ - even ‘Bloody’ started out as ‘By Our Lady’.

Which brings me to swearing that is of a sexual nature. Many of our taboo words came into the English language from other sources. The origin of ‘Fuck’, for example, probably derives from the old German ‘Ficken’ - meaning to strike or penetrate, in turn the German was related to the Latin for to prick (hence ‘Prick’). ‘Fuck’ was in common usage in England by the 16th century, again without vulgarity. Back in the Middle Ages, the word ‘Sard’ meant the same as fuck. These days you never hear anyone muttering ‘Sarding Hell’ when something goes wrong, but you might hear them say ‘Sodding Hell’ – a phrase derived from sodomy as is ‘Bugger’ and ‘Buggery’.

So far none of our swear words started life as a bad oath. They were all just words that, over time, got a bad reputation and were made verbosa non-gratis by the prudish Victorians. Even the cunt word (yes, I dare commit it to print), the last real taboo in the English language, is just a word derived from various Norse, Old German and Latin words. The word entered the English language in the 13^th century when both Oxford and London had red light districts called ‘Gropecunte Lane’. The Oxford lane was later renamed Magpie Lane and in London it became Threadneedle Street which is full of bankers.

Talking of bankers, the term ‘Wank’ is of unknown origin although it is a fairly new word. It seems likely that the terms ‘Wank’ and ‘Wanker’ were invented in the late 1800’s by public schoolboys in boarding houses. Listening to the noise the bedsprings made when fellow pupils were masturbating at night, one of them probably thought up this onomatopoeic word and it spread. It was certainly in use in the trenches during the First World War, often to describe the generals in charge.

Interestingly the word ‘Berk’, commonly used good-humouredly by all and sundry and viewed by most as hardly a swear word at all, also derives from the c-word. It’s Cockney rhyming slang for the ‘Old Berkshire Hunt.’ A ‘Twat’ was simply a clearing in a forest in Old Norse.

Of course as with any word it’s all about context and how the word is used. Gay used to mean happy and carefree, then it became a label that homosexuals and lesbians used to define their sexuality. These days it’s a derogatory term used to describe anything that isn’t up to par or distasteful. Bitch is a female dog but it’s also what life is apparently - and call your wife one and you’re in real trouble. Bastard is a just a child with unmarried parents - almost 50% of children born in the UK these days - but call the chap standing next to you at the bar one and you are cruising for a bruising.

I don’t like outlawed words. The poor things don’t deserve it. I encourage you all to swear whenever you have the opportunity or feel the need – Shakespeare would have done. I’ll finish where I started from. Here’s that quote from Henry IV Part 1 again with the oaths given their modern English meaning.

‘God’s blood, you scarecrow, you changeling, you dried ox tongue, you bull’s prick, you stinking fish! O for the breath to say what you are really like! You swindler, you cunt, you twat; you vile standing fuck!’