Incident Number 0155 11/01/12

I've not blogged for a few days. I've been busy dealing with the mess, both physical and emotional left by the police trying to break my mother-in-laws front door down. Today I wrote to the Civil Litigation Unit seeking recompense. Here's my letter - the bold bits have been added afterwards.

Further to my telephone conversation of this morning I am writing as requested to request payment (demand) for damage caused to my mother-in-laws front door by two of your officers (thugs).

In the early hours of Wednesday morning (I was proceeding down the avenue...) two of your policemen (monkeys) tried forcing entry (smashing into) into my mother-in-law’s house through the front door with a crowbar causing damage (destroying) to the frame and glass.

My mother-in-law had left her living room light on (Call the police! Oh, somebody did already) and a neighbour (nosey, meddling bitch of a neighbour) decided that she should call an ambulance, and subsequently the police, after convincing her (mental) self that my mother-in-law had had some sort of accident or was unwell in the house (or had possibly been abducted by aliens).

To the contrary though, my mother-in-law was actually (tucked up sound and warm) in bed asleep and had taken her hearing aid out as people do when they go to bed (to prevent it slipping into her ear and piercing her brain) (she is very hard of hearing). So there was nothing wrong at all apart from a single light which she had forgotten to turn off (did I already say call the police?) - as most of us do from time to time (usually without the police battering your door down).

My mother in law s old (ancient) (82) but mobile, alert, and in touch with us daily (and not by ouija board). Her neighbour (the one who called the police) (the stupid bitch who called the police) saw (was spying on her) her at 10.30pm putting out the bins so she knew she was okay at this time. Apart from saying hello (smiling inanely) in passing she doesn’t really know anything (jack shit)) about my mother in law including any health issues, and obviously didn’t know that she has hearing problems (but we all know about the neighbours delusions of grandeur issues).

With this in mind, and given that my mother-in-law had not complained to her or anyone else of feeling ill or given her any cause for concern (she did leave a light on though), I find it hard to understand (friggin' gobsmacked) just why she called out the emergency services (panicky, stupid, nosey old curtain twitcher) . Oddly though she seems to watch my mother-in-laws movements (spies on her), she saw her putting her bins out and later that my mother-in-law’s light was on (yes, she spies on her). This wasn’t the first time either, on another occasion she mentioned to my mother-in-law (who sometimes has problems sleeping) that her light was on very late (a crime punishable by death I expect) and that she had almost called the police as a result (yes she's mad, quite mad)).

At some time before 1.30 the neighbour tried knocking at my mother-in-law’s door (rushing around, crying, pulling her hair out) but didn’t get a reply as she was asleep (well it was the early hours) (not that she would have answered anyway at that time of night for security reasons) (and just in case a mad neighbour kills her). Soon after the neighbour called out the emergency services ‘just in case’ (Yes, that's what she said 'just in case') my mother in law had had an accident (she could just picture it. My mother-in -law dead on the carpet after lipping on a banana skin). The ambulance men told her that they couldn’t break (because they aren't stupid) in so she then called the police (who were stupid) at around fourteen minutes past two. Two officers arrived shortly after and proceeded to try to jemmy the door with a crowbar (that they just happened to be carrying) managing to smash the corner of the door and frame, and crack the leaded stained glass insert in the process (well done boys).

As far as we can ascertain from other neighbours your officers did not (didn't bother) to try to check with them about my mother-in-law (some of them are aware of her hearing problems and would have realised the situation) and simply acted upon the (mad) imaginings of this single neighbour.

Apparently your officers tried the bell and shouted (just like hooligans might) through the letter box and went around the back of the house (like thieves), but as I’ve said my mother-in-law was asleep in bed without her hearing aid. (Mind you, if she had heard them she wouldn’t have answered the door anyway as she would have been too terrified, and we have asked her not to open the door to strangers particularly at night).

Eventually though the noise of your officers trying to break her front door (smashing at it and kicking it) down did wake her. Initially she thought it was someone trying to break in to her house and was too frightened (physically sick actually) to come down the stairs. It wasn’t until she heard the voice of her hysterical (crazy bitch of a) neighbour calling her that she came to the door.

Your officers took her name, age, next of kin, and doctor’s name (why they needed this is a mystery). They did not leave an incident number or their names and when my mother-in-law asked them about the damage to the door they simply said that they were on a routine call (yeah right, I think by this time they realised they'd been very silly boys), inferring that it was up to her to sort it out (and getting their piggy arses out of their as quickly as possible). They did not offer the address or contact number of the civil litigation group as (as I was told they are bound to do) they should have done. They just left without further explanation, leaving my mother-in-law confused, distressed, and feeling as though she had done something wrong when all she had done was forget to turn a light out (and crying , and shivering, and trying to deal with her mad, hysterical neighbour).

My wife and I went to Altrincham police station the following morning to find out how to proceed and register our dissatisfaction (understatement) with the way the incident had been handled (bungled). I asked the officer on the desk who would pay for the door and she said that the police would (yes, that is what she said). She also said there was no mention of any damage to the door in the report (I wonder why?).

I subsequently spoke to PS 15984 Dave (the dick) Birchall that evening and he confirmed his view that he was answering a routine call (well, he would do wouldn't he) - he was quite condescending in my view (actually he was a defensive arrogant, rude, pig).

Of course I am not disputing that there might have been something amiss, but given that this neighbour had seen my mother-in-law only a few hours earlier, only had a left-on-light as evidence of anything untoward, doesn’t know my mother-in-law (or Jack Shit) well enough to know that she is very hard of hearing (almost deaf, poor love. Not that she admits it), and that your officers didn’t check with any other neighbours (too busy being police warriors), I think that they acted a little hastily (like the Keystone Kops they are).

Yes, as PS 15984 Dave Birchall, in my rather frustrating conversation (actually really, really, annoying) with him continually repeated, I do understand that it might have been a different story if there had have been a problem – but there wasn’t (nope, just one small light bulb left burning). The door was damaged needlessly (destroyed) and my mother-in-law embarrassed, upset and made to feel stupid (not to mention terrified) simply because of the over active imagination (mad, paranoid, fantasies) of a neighbour she hardly knows and a light which she forgot to turn off.

Generally, I really am at a loss to understand (another understatement) the actions of your officers or why they left my mother-in-law without any information on who they were or what to do next (actually I think this one is obvious). Maybe they should have asked a few more questions of the neighbour (like - Are you mad? have you done this sort of thing before? What are the voices saying now?). At the very least they should have done more to inform my mother-in-law of what she should do next and he rights concerning the damaged door (perhaps they were simply forgetful - not).

It seems to me that they just tried forcing her door on the say so of a single overly-nervous (nutty) neighbour in the early hours of the morning, failed, then just left without any further explanation ('Lets get out of here. We just screwed up bud'). If she didn’t have any family to help her sort this out, she’d simply be left with a damaged door and no recourse for action (and that is what those two were hoping for).

As it is she is now worried about turning the lights on or even leaving her curtains closed in the mornings in case her neighbour overreacts (that's how mad all the people in the road think her to be) again.

As I said, she’d like to claim for the damage to the door please (£800). I’d also like to know why your officers were so remiss in their duty (apart from them being thoughtless, bumbling, cowards) in informing and giving the relevant information to my mother-in-law.

Yours sincerely (very),

We'll see - I may write an article for Take-a-Break.