Tuesday 9 June 2009

N - N - N - Nineteen...

Today is our nineteenth wedding anniversary.

Hard to believe that Gaynor and I have been married nineteen years, and without either one of us doing any time at all for murder. Mind you, if Gaynor had at any point taken that particular road, then I’m sure that the judge would have found her actions justifiable. I’m not the easiest of people (as she would tell you), particularly since the Bloody Blog.

I’ve thought of renaming ‘What a Wonderful Life’, ‘That Bloody Blog’, but I like to think that the original keeps me positive - at least it seems to most of the time. Anyway, today is our nineteenth wedding anniversary (and it don’t seem a day too long) and I need to get a gift or something.

For our first anniversary I bought Gaynor a sewing kit. ‘How appropriate’, I thought as I made the purchase, lots of spools of cotton, just the job… how wrong I was! ‘Cotton?’, ‘Cotton!’ I made it up afterwards and eventually, and promised – vowed - signed an oath in blood, to do better next year.

So on my second anniversary (paper – yes I know it is different in the US) I bought her a book, a cook book. I knew by this time how much she loved cooking – the gift would delight her. Wrong! What on earth had possessed me to buy the Everyday Low Fat Cookery Compendium? ‘What was I trying to tell her?’ I must try harder.

So I did…

Third… Leather… A jokey whip! WRONG!
Fourth… Fruit or electrical appliances… I know! A new steam iron and some bananas! WRONG!
Fifth… Wood… careful no spoons… an axe! WRONG!
Sixth… Sugar… no sweets (she was dieting)… a set of kitchen canisters! WRONG!
Seventh... Wool… she’s not really a jumper person… I know, a leg of lamb! WRONG!
Eighth… Salt… Salt? I know, bath salts, you can’t go wrong with bath salts; that’s what my granny always said! WRONG! (Bloody, stupid old woman).
Ninth… Copper... an antique bed-warming pan with a long handle! WRONG!
Tenth… Tin… a wind up tin toy monkey! WRONG! (Well, I liked it)

And so it went on.

I got our twelfth about right… silk (I avoided red underwear and went for a scarf). Fourteenth… gold jewellery (gold earrings)… Fifteenth… crystal (champagne and two crystal glasses) – I was getting better! I played safe on the sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth… flowers, champagne, jewellery and a meal.

Last year Gaynor said that it was all getting a bit tired and that it ‘would be nice if I could come up with something a bit different’!

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

There’s no official gift for a nineteenth wedding anniversary in the UK. In America it’s amethyst, and the modern gift is bronze. I found this on e-bay. A bronze and amethyst statue of Kali, the Hindu goddess of death and destruction. It looks pretty heavy and could be described as blunt... do you think she’ll like it?

I’m sure the judge will find her ‘not guilty’.

6 comments:

  1. You have to admire gaynor for sticking with someone who nearly always gets it so wrong.

    Happy 19th you two!

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  2. Birthdays are worse still!

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  3. That statue looks like something you would find in the bedroom of a 15 year old spotty goth. Did she like it?

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  4. She was so delighted that she grew some extra arms.

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  5. Congrats Andy! Sorry I couldn't post yesterday. I've been having computer problems. My iPhone won't let me post comments on here, and my real computer wouldn't connect to the internet.

    Nice statue. I was at The Cliffs the other weekend for lunch. I saw Eaton Mess Cheesecake on the desert menu. Is that one of Gaynors? If it is could you post the reciepe on here? I really wanted some, but was too full up from the massive plate of fish and chips!

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  6. Good to have you back old chum - I'll see if can get you that recipe.

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