Man overboard...

Ah, a life on the ocean waves.

‘Yes, a seafaring life, that’s the life for me!’ I thought as I read the latest e-mail from someone telling me that they had just the job for a man with my skills and experience, one matching my criteria ‘perfectly’ they said.

Sea Freight Manager - Based Middlesex.

Well yes, I could do that. I don’t live anywhere near Middlesex, but I’d be prepared to live in the area at least during the week. I wonder if I could live on a houseboat or perhaps they might rig me up a hammock in the engine room. Money looks good, and there’s a bonus - maybe they’ll pay me in doubloons. And a benefits package… does that include a rum ration I wonder? There’s a car, but no mention of a launch. Perhaps I’ll get that later.

It’s looking good, and I’m sure I’ve got a sailor cap somewhere. Now, just what are they looking for?

Forward thinking – Yes; I’m already thinking next Tuesday and that’s almost a week away… Proactive – Yes; I can make that happen… Must be able to proactively lead a team and be responsible for delivering profitability, customer satisfaction and team development within your area – Yes, yes, yes. Come on team splice that mainbrace, we have customers to keelhaul and a pieces of eight to count. It’s in the bag. I can almost smell the sea, the salt in the air, the tang of the rime on my tongue.  

Key responsibilities look fine, nothing I haven’t done before. Now just where did I put my old deck shoes? I hope that they pipe me on board, I’ve always fancied that. Maybe I should wear an eye patch to the interview, a parrot might be over the top and I should probably draw the line at sawing me leg off (me hearties).

Yes, it looks like I’m off to sea, this job is practically mine. Maybe I should practice my knot tying, brush up on my semaphore.

Wait a minute… what’s this?

• MUST possess a minimum of five years experience and extensive knowledge of sea freight forwarding – imports, exports, customs and all related processes.

Well, I did have a shop on Bangor pier once. I wonder if that counts?

Oh well, maybe the job doesn’t match my criteria quite as much as I was led to believe after all. Strange that. Still, I’m not going to go overboard about it… apparently I’d be ideal as a nuclear testing unit manager.

Now where did I put my Geiger counter?