Mr Shouty loses his glasses…

Remember Mr Shouty? That purely fictitious person who bears no resemblance to anybody living or dead. Well, he's back and today he seems to have lost his glasses. Poor Mr Shouty, the whole world is against him...

HAVE YOU SEEN MY GLASSES WOMAN? THEY WERE HERE A MOMENT AGO. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO? DAMN AND BLAST IT WOMAN, YOU MUST HAVE. THEY WERE RIGHT HERE ON THE TABLE. THINGS JUST DON’T WALK.

Mr Shouty searches the table, flinging the papers that are on it here and there; sending his letters of complaint high up into the air, snatching at them, throwing them - until it looks like he’s standing in a paper snowstorm.

YOU MUST HAVE MOVED THEM. TELL ME WHERE YOU’VE PUT THEM. YOU DON’T KNOW? WELL THINK! I’M SORRY, BUT YOU MUST KNOW WHERE YOU PUT THEM WOMAN. I CAN’T HAVE A THING AROUND HERE WITHOUT YOU MOVING IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THEM? ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? THEY WERE DEFINITELY HERE ON THE TABLE. DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID OR SOMETHING? MAYBE YOU TOOK THEM INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

Mr Shouty storms out of the kitchen and into the living room. All Mrs Shouty can hear are drawers being opened and cupboard doors slamming. Something breaks - she hopes it isn’t her china.

BLAAAAAAAAAASSTTTT! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE WOMAN, I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID WITH MY GLASSES.

Mrs Shouty says that she hasn’t even seen them.

WHAT? WELL YOU MUST HAVE. I’M TELLING YOU THAT I DIDN’T MOVE THEM SO IT MUST BE YOU. NOW WHERE HAVE YOU MOVED THEM TOO… THINK WOMAN, THINK!

Mrs Shouty says that she never touched them.

I’M SORRY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED THEM? I’M NOT MAD YOU KNOW, THEY WERE HERE A MOMENT AGO AND I DIDN’T MOVE THEM, SO IT MUST BE YOU. YOU’RE A BIGGER LIAR THAN TOM PEPPER.

Mr Shouty rushes into the bathroom. Mrs Shouty can hear him going through the cupboards, throwing pills and soap and smashing bottles. She looks around. The house is wrecked, papers and broken things are scattered everywhere. Inside the bathroom all goes quiet and Mr Shouty emerges…

I’VE FOUND THEM. YOU MUST HAVE MOVED THEM INTO THE BATHROOM. WHY YOU CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT YOU’RE DOING IS BEYOND ME WOMAN - AND LOOK AT THE MESS YOU’VE MADE. NOW GET IT CLEANED UP, I’VE GOT IMPORTANT LETTERS OF COMPLAINT TO WRITE ON MY COMPUTER.

Mrs Shouty starts picking up the papers. She knows that Mr Shouty’s glasses were on his head all along but she didn’t tell him – it wasn’t worth the argument.