You know, these last few days of kittens and puppies and fluffy ducks have made me wonder why I ever bothered at all. Why all these words?
Why all these words? Whoosh!
What is it that lets some creeping idea under the wire and into my mind, waking me sharp from dream, five in the morning, demanding that I embroider it into words? Why am I compelled to pull that slippery thing out from my head and make it solid, forcing it tumbled onto the page to be some few sentences? What makes me think that they, strung together with hesitant rearrangement, could ever make worth reading? Who’s interested in my thoughts, my experience, my point of view - my slant - and do I really have anything worthy of a say?
I hope so. I can’t stop you see.
The more I write, the more I seem to want to write. I don’t know why exactly. It isn’t painful; it isn’t a hunger that needs to be fed. It isn’t desperate; it’s just there, consistent and waiting for me to pick up the pen and set it free. When I’m doing it I’m happy and when I’m not doing it – well, I’m waiting to be happy. I smile as I write, I sometimes laugh out loud, occasionally my eyes moisten – but only when I write of things long lost.
I love the taste of taking a whim, tuning and honing, moulding and sharpening, until it stands tall on the page a fully-fledged read. I enjoy the craft, the journey, every twist and turn of the road, never quite sure of where it is going or when the journey has ended – a cliché, and an adventure, my adventure.
I want to be read - but at the end, if nobody reads me, I’ll write for myself – read it over and over, change after minor change, and then read it again and smile, or laugh, or cry.
Why do I write this stuff? Because I have to, and I can, and I do - less than a thousand words a day and I’m lost and lost and lost.
I want to be read - but at the end, if nobody reads me, I’ll write for myself – read it over and over, change after minor change, and then read it again and smile, or laugh, or cry.
Why do I write this stuff? Because I have to, and I can, and I do - less than a thousand words a day and I’m lost and lost and lost.
Maybe I’ll blog here less, but I’m smiling now – and it feels good.
I'm keeping the kittens though.
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