The conversations of Mr. Cat - two

Sometimes us cats choose to look at things from a different perspective.

You poor humans, on the other hand, just keep looking at things in the same tired, singular way - you almost seem conditioned to do it . Have you no vision? No imagination? No wonder you are all so stressed and anxious.

Let’s think about early man, we’ll call him Ug as Ug seems like such a good name for one of your stupid, cumbersome, ancestors.

Just picture Ug huddled around the fire in his cave, hiding from the horrible dark, trying to ignore the growls and mewls coming from just outside the cave. Anxious about what might be waiting for him outside in the blackness and terrified of the ‘deadly’ spiders that sometimes dropped down from cave roof and onto his head. His life was so scary that the poor little diddums had even begun bite his nails.

Poor Ug, almost catatonic in his fear and in an ever changing, unpredictable, environment fear would probably have been Ug’s normal state. He was probably constantly stressed, anxious, phobic to the point of paranoia, and may have begun to develop habitual behaviours – even rolling up dead leaves, putting them in his mouth, and setting fire to them.

Smoking dead leaves, I ask you, how mad is that?

So what might Ug have become if he’d looked at life from a different perspective as us ancient cats did?

If he’d gone out into the dark often enough he might have developed decent night vision, he might even have found that he could smell danger so that he could run before whatever it was trying to get him actually got him. He might have learnt to leap, and spring, and run deftly up trees to escape his predators. He might even have stopped biting his nails and developed a decent set of claws, retractable claws even for those soft-pawing moments.

Instead he stayed in his cave, never developed, and as a result you humans remain ill-educated savages little better than Ug was.

Us cats on the other hand did look at things from a different perspective. We left our caves and walked out into the dark, knowing there was nothing much to fear and evolved from the savage sabre too tiger into the intellectual, sophisticated, intelligent race of beings we are today.

And my point?

People are scaredy-mans hiding from the dark, animals are superior, and most superior of all is the cat - and just how do I know this?

Because - I - am - a -cat - stupid!

Now fetch me my fish.