Outside in...

Outside is big. It’s interesting looking inside from the outside, inside looks smaller from outside. It gives you a different perspective on things, cat perspective that is – taller, thinner, narrower – it’s an eye thing, an iris thing. I’d never noticed that long blue candley from the inside before, but now that I see it I think I might enjoy playing with it. It looks like a long, thin, blue waxy worm. When I get back inside I think I’ll jump up and see if the candley worm fancy’s a game of play-paw. That will be hissing fun - if they ever let me hissing inside again that is.

I’ve been sitting outside for ages waiting for them to see me and let me back inside. I’m starving and there’s a nice bowl of nin-nins waiting for me in my usual place. I know that I have the patience of a saint, but even Saint Gertrude of Nivelles, the patron saint of cats, might lose her patience if she were as hissing hungry as I am, and I’m really, really hissing hungry. Come on, come on, come on, come on – let me in, let me in.

Saint Gertrude, Gertie as we call her, is also the Pat Sat of gardeners, herbalists, travellers in search of lodging, and cat lovers. What a mixture! I hate the smell of herbs, gardens are for digging up, I lodge with Hisfault and Foodies, and they are meant to be cat lovers – just look at the way they leave me outside when I want to be inside eating my nin-nins.

Talking of which – look, there’s Hisfault in the kitchen, and about time too. Is he going to hissing let me inside? ‘Oy, hissing Hisfault, let me inside! Don’t just leave me here outside, I want my hissing nin-nins!’

That should do it. What? Fidgeting fishbones, I don’t hissing believe it! Not again! Look, he’s got his camera and he’s pointing it at me. What does he want me to do? Smile? Well, he’s got no chance. In fact I’m going to look nonchalantly away and ignore him. No, I will not say cheese - I might eat some if there were any on offer though.

Come on Gertie, I’m a cat, he’s meant to be a cat lover - do your stuff and get me out of this garden and back inside. Work your magic and get me to my nin-nins before I become sick with hunger. I’m so hungry I could eat my nin-nins even if it were flavoured with herbs.

Right – looks like there’s nothing else for it… I’m going to have to pray.
Thank you, Gerty, for nin-nins time,For milk, for meat, for fish,Thank you, Gerty, for all the food,I find upon my dish.