Ooh, err...

Ooh, doesn't he go on?

Now, I do have a tendency to go on (you may have noticed ). Of course, not with my wife, that would be pointless (besides she has my balls in her bag and I may need them back someday). But yes, I do have a tendency to go on and on and on and on. I'm a dog with a bone, no quitting, single-minded, relentless, unswerving, obstinate, unwavering, hell-bent. Of course, I prefer to see myself as tenacious, purposeful, and strong-minded (rather than single or bloody). In truth, I do not have a white flag for waving and this laddy is not for turning. In general (as my wife says, she of the bag full of balls) I'm an annoying twat. Oooh noo, please, it's wicked to mock the afflicted!

Anyway, The Prologue! I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I'm sorry. I'd like to, but of course, I can't because I'm not. My views, no matter how much others dislike them are at least my own and I do try to think things through (when I'm soberish at least). There is usually some sort of logic in what I say, even if that logic doesn't make sense at times to anyone but me. One thing I will say though is that it's more evidence-based than wishful thinking and I try to treat everyone the same - with the truth (at least the truth as I see it, the horrible, unsentimental, hard truth) and I am usually right - silly boy.

This tends to make me not very popular at times. But then popularity has never been my prime concern. I'm not a politician or a salesperson and I'm certainly nobody's favourite teacher (I'm more bugger off Mr Chips, than goodbye).

So why do I do it? It certainly doesn't make me feel good and I often have a restless (tossy - turny) night worrying that I've upset someone with one of my comments. Of course, a smiley-faced winking emoji helps to sweeten my bitter pills, but I'm sure that most people still shake their heads in disbelief (judging by the number of people who have blocked me). Sometimes, I've even removed a particularly honest post at three in the morning (more to let myself sleep than out of any sense of remorse). My wife (who has a whole host of interesting phrases as well as a bag with my bollocks in) says that I'm a bloody git, and she's generally right about me (if nothing much else 😉 ).

Some people just can't help themselves, can they? The thing is that I can't help myself either. If someone is talking nonsense I simply have to point it out, or if they are being stupid (like booking a holiday 'sur le continent' currently - bloody moronic behaviour), or sending hope and prayers to the families of kids gunned down in their high schools, or defending their right to have loads of loaded guns in the house... then I let them have it, both barrels. Tell me I'm wrong, but I'm not. Yes, I am awful, but you like me (actually, I'm not at all sure you do).

Titter ye not, but my 'attitude' gets me into some dangerous discussions sometimes. I was recently cursed and was told that 'God' would be my judge by some nutter on eBay because I gave an honest and accurate review about his product and service and refused to change it. He offered me my money back if I did, but (as I told him) it isn't about money, it's about protecting others from getting conned (as I was), about having my say and being true to myself.

What is it 'er indoors says? Oh yes, I'm such a penis (although she says dick). I wouldn't mind if she meant it in a complementary way, but she doesn't. She means I'm a bell-end (although that one isn't on her list).

I suppose I'm a bit of a pencil really, sometimes sharp, other times blunt, and a bit snappy. My lead might be a wobbly but I do last, I go on and on. 

Ooh, err, Missus... Can I have my balls back, please?