The first day of astronomical spring and with it came sunshine and warmth. I felt as if I wanted to go out looking for skipping lambs, wade through drifts of golden daffodils, and go searching for Blodeuwedd the Celtic spring goddess, created by magic from nine spring flowers. Instead I spent it at the hospital and worrying about Luna who, uncharacteristically, went walkabout for six hours when normally she checks in every forty minutes or so. On the Joan front progress is slow. She’s a tiny bit more able to open her eyes and is trying to speak a little, but it’s impossible to hear her words and she hardly seems like Joan at all.
Somewhere between my cat and Joan something in me got lost as well and even the sunny day couldn’t lift my spirits. I hate the uncertainty of it all even though my rational mind knows that there are no certainties. Each time Luna goes out I know that she might never return and looking at Joan this afternoon I know that is true of her as well.
I did see daffodils and lambs in the fields on the way back from the hospital, but Blodeuwedd remained elusive despite my muttering of the ancient words: ‘Nine powers of nine flowers. Nine powers in me combine nine buds of plant and tree. Long and white are my fingers as the ninth wave of the sea.’
So that’s my first day of spring – a missing cat, a missing mother in law, a missing goddess, and a very grumpy me.