Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Extra portion...

Another day and another futile attempt to make sense of things. Joan lies in a hospital bed and isn't Joan at all. She's not there really, but I know (given the way she gives me as good as she gets) that somewhere deep inside her she'll be fighting. Joan is, if nothing else, tenacious with just a hint of bloody minded.

For my part I feel a bit useless. I'm close to tears sometimes, although I don't know why, and at other times angrily fighting the red tape and silly processes of the NHS. As a for instance, today I got a letter from Trafford Trust (PAL'S) asking me to get Joan to sign a form so I could act on her behalf. Firstly she is in a coma. Secondly the stroke she has had means she can't hold a pen. Of course my word wasn't enough for the process so we delayed the investigation further for a few hours or days maybe whilst they talked to the nursing staff to be sure I wasn't exaggerating. But I really had to push this. Meanwhile, a week on, the truth is going cold so thank God I involved the police on day one because their detective has already investigated and hopefully can fill in their blanks.

I never thought I would be thanking a policeman. But then I never thought that wearing mittens so that you couldn't rip out the tube that was feeding your stomach via a tube through your nose was an invasion of civil liberties. But it is if we aren't given a document explaining it.

The world turns and Joan, on the edge of that disastrous spin, clings on.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Calm down, calm down, I keep telling myself. But I'm not really calm and when I feel helpless I try to compensate through wine and not letting anything pass me by. I think they call it belt and braces with Merlot. But there it is, that's me.

So there's the update people. Some movement forward I guess but nothing to make Joan even a little more Joan-like and at the end of the day, who do I cook that extra portion of dinner for now? You can't eat through a tube forever.

I wish she would open her eyes and speak even if it was to criticise me about my cooking.

1 comment:

  1. Denise Smart
    Hang on in there and stay as strong as you can - You are a good man and if Merlot help for now go for it xxxx

    Tim Preston
    Andy you're gonna drive yourself nuts getting angry. Stop wishing or hoping for this or that and accept what's happened. Your family need you to be solid and grounded. And nature won't be hurried in things

    Andrew Height
    Denise it always helps. xx

    Andrew Height
    Tim I can't make her better, but I can try to make sure it does not happen to others. This is not acceptable and I will not accept it,

    Lucy Whitehead

    Andrew Height

    Clare Pritchard
    hey if you fancy a pint at weekend if you are free, gizza bell xx

    Maureen Dalliday
    Thinking of you all. Xx

    Lorna Gleadell

    Gloria Brown
    I know you want to fix it cos your a fixer, take care xx

    Linda Kemp