Conker duel...

On my way back from the dentist yesterday I picked up some conkers. I don’t know why but I couldn’t resist the beauty of their dark brown, shiny, roundness. I had to have them – despite (or perhaps because of) feeling a little woozy.

I stuffed my pockets full, just like when I was a boy. Each one I picked up was going to be my last – but then I saw another, and another, and another. Soon my pockets bulged. What was I going to do with all these conkers?
Well there’s only one thing to do with conkers isn’t there?

Yes! Let’s go bonkers and play some conkers…let’s have a conker duel.

Here’s how:

Two players (in this case myself, Angling Andrew, and my wife, Gazumping Gaynor), each with a conker threaded on a piece of string, take it in turns to hit each other's conker, until there is one conker left. The first player holds out their conker at arm's length, hanging down, ready to be hit. The string should be wrapped around his or her hand to stop it being dropped. They must hold the conker still as the other player hits it. If it accidentally swings, the second player can steady it before they take a strike. The second player then wraps the string of his or her conker around his hand, draws it back and takes aim. He or she then lets go of the conker as he or she swings his or her arm in an arc and tries to hit the other person's conker. The first player then has a go at hitting the other player's conker and take it in turns until one conker disintegrates - narrowly missing taking out somebody or others eye.

NOTE: If the player deliberately moves his or her conker while waiting for it be hit, the other player is allowed another go!

ANOTHER NOTE: Girls aren’t very good at conkers but I thought it only fair to put ‘his’ and ‘hers’ as I like to be PC where possible.

When I was a boy we used to hold huge conker tournaments that lasted a day, a week, or until we simply ran out of conkers or got bored. The winner was the boy (girls simply didn’t play conkers back then, well not in our tournaments) with the last conker standing.

This is how we scored.

If a conker had never been used before and succeeded in breaking another unused conker, it scored one and became a 'one-er'. If, in the next game it broke another new conker, it became a 'two-er' and so on. But, if the two-er lost a game and was broken, its score was added to the other person's conker. So if they used a new conker on a two-er, it became a three-er and so on. If the conker that broke it had already broken others, then the scores of BOTH the conkers were added together and added to the winner. So if you used a three-er on a two-er, then the score awarded to the winning conker would be five. Get it? Confused? Yes, so was I, still am.
.
We used to have all sorts of tricks for making a really tough conker. This was the best one - first we’d pour some vinegar into a jam jar and leave it to soak for two minutes exactly, then we’d take the conker out of the vinegar and let it dry for an hour or so. Once dry, we’d heat our mum’s oven to 250°C and bake it for one and a half minutes, then take it out, leave it to cool, and string it. This really worked. Jimmy Braham once had a hundred and thirty three-er that had been made like this. It would probably still be going strong today if he hadn’t have dropped it down a drain. My best was a nineteen-er, it was Jimmy’s conker that conked it.

Gaynor and I held a tournament last night, a small one, first to get a five-er. I lost.

Maybe girls can play conkers after all.