I have a bit of a love-hate thing going on with pancakes. I forget that they exist for most of the year and then along comes Shrove Tuesday (which I prefer to call pancake day as I don't like shroves or even know what one is - maybe a small shrewlike creature? ) and there I am ready with my deluxe non-stick pancake pan ready to flip (alez oop!).
It's strange how the thought of pancakes makes my mouth water but the taste, without all of the fruit and syrups I pile on, is of pretty much nothing. It tastes like eggs and flour and I really can't understand why I would want to eat fried wallpaper paste. I prefer thin, thin pancakes, those American things aren't pancakes at all. Who wants to eat a half-inch thick slab of underdone fluffy cake covered with manufactured faux maple syrup and served with crispy manufactured faux bacon (also covered in faux maple syrup)? I'm not saying that US pancakes are crepe because they really aren't, nothing like 'em.
Traditionally you made pancakes on Pancake Day to use up all your eggs before Lent and before you get shriven (whatever that is, although it sounds like a quick ageing process sequence in a Hammer horror film). I also sometimes wonder how they managed to stop the hen's laying during Lent (was it a big cork?). Little known fact: Lent is the six week period leading up to Easter Sunday. The actual length is 46 days and not the 40 most people think it is. It breaks down like this, 40 of the days are fasting days and six are Sundays. In which case why can't you eat all your eggs on the Sundays - the nonfasting days - instead of waiting for Easter? Is that why we have Easter eggs do you think? There, I told you that religion was nonsense.
Anyway, back to pancakes, now where was I? Oh yes, I like my pancakes v. thin and golden, stuffed with sliced banana or strawberries, dripping in real golden syrup, and served with a side of luxury vanilla ice cream. I'm okay with that sugar and lemon juice thing but it seems a little like a penance in itself, especially as there are so many yummy things to put in and on your pancakes (not chocolate spread or that awful Nutella though. No, not ever, ever, ever, ever).
Of course, savoury pancakes are a no-no too. Pancakes are pudding, so no cheese of any kind (not even goat's cheese), bacon, sausage, chilli, beans, ham, or fried eggs are allowed. These are breakfast (yes, even the chilli on the day after a chillifest). Besides, I think savoury pancakes must be a foreign thing and we're not in Europe any more (sadly), so foreign European pfannkuchen are verboten! Verstehen?
The downside about pancakes is that no matter how they are dressed up they remain pretty boring on their own. Perhaps the clue is in the name pan-cake, that's just what it says on the can (or packet). It's a cake made in a pan when cakes really need to be made in an oven. if they were really good then Marie Antoinette would have said 'Let them eat pancakes' (she didn't though did she?) and Jo Brand and Sarah Millican would be telling pancake jokes instead of cake jokes (neither of them is funny by the way). Yes, as that cheery, cheeky, chappie Edgar Allen Po once said, 'We pancaked with a pancake that was more than a pancake'. No, I haven't a clue what he was on about either. Mind you, he did like a drink and was addicted to opium. I'm not sure about pancakes though. Absolutely Po idea!
By the way, the pancakes Gaynor made me for pud were of extraordinary excellence. Just as I like 'em.
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