Feeling all Leary...

Misty, what are you doing sitting on my Edward Lear? I don’t mind, but no scratching at it, I’ve had that book a long time.

‘Don’t worry you silly Hisfault I’m not scratching it, I’m reading it. That’s one of the good things about being a cat we don’t read with our eyes, we read by osmosis – the words just sink into our consciousness through our fur. I like Edward Lear, he talks complete nonsense but I really like this poem.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey,
and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.

All hissing rubbish of course, no self-respecting cat would dream of marrying a bird, particularly an owl – big, horrible, twooting creatures. And as for getting into a boat… no way, I might fall out and get all wetly and I hate being wetly. You know, I’ve never eaten honey - I’m prepared to give it a go though, who knows I may have a bit of a sweet tooth – except us cats can’t taste sweetness. Bet you didn’t know that did you, but it’s true – cats are the only mammals that can’t taste sweetness – salt, yes…sour, yes…bitter, yes… I might even be able to taste umami if I knew what it was, but not sweet, cats don’t do sweet.

And I can’t see much point in the money, even if it is wrapped up in a fiver. Money’s pointless – you can’t eat it, you can’t really play with it, and it doesn’t help you to sleep, pointless, pointless, pointless – no, I wouldn’t bother with the money.

I DO like that poem though, it makes me purr - but that Lear person got it all wrong from a cat perspective. Edward Lear, the twentieth child of Jeremiah Lear and his wife Ann. They must have been kept very busy with twenty children and it must have taken a lifetime! Humans aren’t like us cats they don’t have kindles, even twins are unusual. An average cat can have up to eight kittens per litter, and two or three litters per year. So during my lifetime, I could have more than a hundred kittens… if I really was a girl that is.

Back in 1952, a Texas Tabby named Dusty set the record by having more than four hundred and twenty kittens before having her last litter at the age of eighteen, and the largest ever known litter (with all surviving) was a Persian called Bluebell who gave birth to fourteen kittens in one litter! That sounds like hard work.

Lear loved limericks. A limerick is a five-line poem in strict AABBA (no, not the pop group that’s ABBA) form. The best ones are meant to be witty or funny, and the very best ones are really rude – like this…

A Texas Tabby called Dusty
Was continually feeling lusty.
She’d paint the town red.
Then end up in bed.
Well at least her libido ain’t rusty.

Ha, ha…I like that. I’ll try another…

Their was a young kitty called Misty,
Who en-joyed the odd nip of whisky.
When on her third glass,
She’d fall on her arse.
Poor Misty is all Brahms and Liszty.

Purrrrrr…I like that too, very witty, most amusing – I have a knack for limericks, even though I do say so myself. Edward Lear eat your heart out…’

How’s the reading going Misty? You look deep in thought. What’re you up to, writing a poem? Perhaps that’s it – perhaps you’re a poet and you didn’t know it…