Who did done dun it…

It’s time for Claude to reveal all. All six suspects stand in line before him – The Dave’s, D’arcy and of course little Denzil.

Claude knows who the murderer is and he knows why they did it. Look at them standing before him, the innocent and guilty. Most of them looking a tad nervous.

Shhhhh… Claude is about to speak.

“Monsieurs, I zank you for attending today. I em pleazed that yur af come ere at yur own accord, but of course yur ad leetle choice, we af ze police outside at every door. D’accord, to ze buziness.”

I’ll translate from here. Claude really does have a very thick accent. Claude is saying that the reason that they are here is that they had been playing cards at the wedding and a playing card had been found at the scene of the crime. Claude believes that this card was dropped by the murderer who’d hidden it about his person as he’d been cheating at the card game – it was an extra ace! Just look at the Dave’s faces, they look terrified! Well, they were playing cards at the wedding, so it could have been them.

Wait, Claude’s saying that the Dave’s couldn’t have done it. Three of them were to be seen clearly standing on the wall as the bride and groom left on duckymoon and there is a photograph to prove it. Only Sailor Dave was out of view and the other brother’s swear that he was asleep behind the wall. The Dave’s are close, but of good character, none of them could rest knowing that they had a murderer in their midst. Claude believes Sailor Dave’s alibi, so all four brothers are accounted for at the time the murder took place. They are innocent.

Claude’s moved on to Denzil. He’s saying that Father O’Mallard had been wounded with over twenty wounds when he died, some to the face and a couple to the back of the head. It would have been impossible for Denzil to have made these wounds as the Father was a very tall duck and Denzil is… how can he put this… a ‘shurt arze’. Forensics has proven that the head wounds were made before the fatal wound to the chest so in Canard’s opinion Denzil is also innocent.

That only leaves D’arcy. I have to say he doesn’t look bothered, he’s still smiling – it can’t be D’arcy, can it? He wouldn’t kill his own uncle, not after he’s been so good to him, would he?

“Monsieur D’arcy iz eet not true zat you af ze – ow you zay? – le debts de gambling?”

I’ll take over again, it’s easier. He’s saying that D’arcy has run up gambling debts at university, big gambling debts, D’arcy owes thousands, he’s in so deep that the few Quacks he lost at the wedding reception don’t really count. D’arcy knew that Father O’Mallard had left him everything in his will but he couldn’t wait. D’arcy needed the money now; otherwise his goose would really be cooked - he couldn’t duck his debts any longer, he had to pay up to his creditors or he’d be a dead duck.

Canard is painting a picture. D’arcy is creeping away from the reception back to the church. It isn’t far, this shouldn’t take too long. He enters the church, Father O’Mallard is by the alter tidying up, he turns and smiles as D’arcy approaches him… and D’arcy strikes! He takes the screwdriver from behind his back and slashes Father O’Mallard across the face, then his neck, his back, his chest, over and over, slash, slash, slash, Father O’Mallard falls, slash, slash, slash… and then D’arcy delivers the coup de grace and thrusts the screwdriver deep into Father O’Mallards chest… and it’s over.

D’arcy, without a backward glance, leaves the church and returns to the wedding reception.

Apparently he chose an electrical screwdriver to incriminate DJ Dave - DJ’s are always fiddling around with screwdrivers and their equipment. Unfortunately DJ Dave was in clear view of the camera as the murder was taking place, so it couldn’t have been him… and then, of course, there was the tie.

Canard had photographic evidence that the tie found at the murder scene was the same tie that D’arcy had been wearing when he was at the reception – at some point earlier D’arcy had somehow spilled dark blue ink on it. That tie had been his downfall. To his misfortune he’d been seen leaving the wedding reception wearing the tie by both of Dolores’ maiden aunts, and they’d seen him return a few minutes later no longer wearing it – he must have removed it in the church after the murder and, in his haste to get back to the reception, so that his absence wouldn’t be noticed, dropped it.

So that was it. D’arcy Duck dun it.

Just look at him as the police ducks lead him away. Still smiling, not a hint of remorse. How could he do that to his poor uncle? He’s going down for a very long time. He’ll be a very lucky ducky to ever see the light of day as a free range duck again.

And it serves him right.