Yes, I really did say fake books and yes, I really am the king of lost causes.
There are two Stephen Kings, the real one (who I love) and the fake one (who is lower and less talented than whale shit). Apparently his name, by a lucky birthright, really is Stephen King. So he dashes off crap stories and Amazon advertise him alongside the real one as if their were no difference.
Sometimes I think I should change my name by deed poll to J.K. Rowling and self publish stories on Amazon about boy wizards who won't be called Harry Potter or go to Hogwarts. Apparently Amazon would be powerless to stop me doing this or even able to put a disclaimer on the Amazon site telling a gullible audience that I am a different J.K. Rowling!
Truthfully it fucks me off and when I get like that I can't or won't give up. Here is my latest mail sent today. If you look at the bottom you will see the offending publications.
Dear Amazon random representative
Please forward this mail to Gaseenah M in the (I am sure) vain hope that I will get some continuity and action out of your very inept and cheating organisation. If you bother to read my file you will see that I have sent dozens of emails to you concerning the issue of you recommending fake Stephen King books alongside real Stephen King books and misleading your customers. This is obviously a fraudulent representation by yourselves as there is no way of knowing if they are by the genuine writer or the person cashing in on his name. I have been told by members of your team at various times that that the books were by the real Stephen King (they are not), that you have rectified the problem (which you have not), and that you value my feedback (which you obviously do not).
I've spoken on the telephone with your representatives a couple of times and, whilst it was lovely to listen to their platitudes, this has not got me any further either. Given the amount of time and effort I have spent on this you must by now realise that I am very serious about this issue and am not going to give in.
Today I received yet another recommendation email from Amazon. This was the second this week containing fraudulent Stephen King books. What is particularly distressing about this one though is that ALL of the fake Stephen King books available have been recommended for me to purchase in a single mail. I have pasted the contents of your mail below, but as you can't tell a genuine Stephen King book from a fraudulent one let me spell it out for you.
The top three: Crossroads, Awaken, and Descendants are all fraudulent Stephen King books written by a very poor writer cashing in on the Stephen King name. If you read the reviews of these books you will see that they are in the main, complaints from other of your customers about this fact. So I am not alone in my outrage.
The remaining books - starting from 'A face in the crowd' are genuinely authored by the genuine Stephen King and I have read them all. The only exception is 'I blame Stephen King' which is by Jason Finnerty and doesn't claim to be by Stephen King when it's not - so that is okay.
Amazon, what are you doing? You are allowing this fraud to continue, you are cheating and disappointing your customers, you are even recommending this fraudulent trash to someone who has already complained. Just how incredibly incompetent is that?
This is what I would like you to do.
1. instead of sending me your standard emails full of lies please read this mail once more and all the others I have sent to you again so that you understand fully the incredibly poor (shit) experience you are providing me and others with.
2. Give me a named contact with a direct email address so that I can have continuity of contact for this issue which has been going on for months, preferably someone senior in you organisation who might actually be able to do something about it.
3. Recognise that I am very angry about your lack of action on this matter as I have spent hours bringing your fraudulent actions to your attention in an attempt to stop you damaging your reputation and alienating your customers further.
Please get back to me on the above points immediately by email. I am difficult to contact by phone at the moment, but as soon as you appoint a case manager for this issue who I can contact directly I will arrange a call with him or her.
Lastly, please show me some respect. I am not an idiot.