Wednesday, 20 April 2016


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Bananas, bananas, bananas, bananas… laughing yet? Hilarious aren't they? Careful, don't slip on a skin.

Happy Banana Day everybody.  Yes, it’s the third Wednesday of April which officially makes it Banana day, a day of no significance or worth unless you happen to enjoy the wonders of the banana. Personally, I hate them. I hate the mushiness, the smell, the slightly slimy skin, the bruising, the way people sprinkle them with sugar and make sandwiches from them. They are a quite ridiculous fruit, a fruit with no purpose apart from being a ‘fantastic’ source of potassium. Well, so are chips and I’ll take chips every time.

So stick your stack banana till de mornin' come where the daylight don’t come at all, and you know what mister tally man? me wan' go home so tally my banana. Yeah, whatever - sorry about that, I just got carried away with the banana boat song. Banana boat song, I ask you? I don’t quite know what tallying a banana entails, but I’m hoping that it doesn’t involve hiding the deadly black tarantula somewhere discreet - which brings me to my next point.

Bananas are so unwholesome, even their colour isn’t a pleasant yellow and, let’s face it; you can never be sure what you might find in a bunch of those quite ridiculously shaped appendages. Fruits are meant to be round, preferably red if you can get them, but a sickly yellow and shaped like a don’t-know-what are liable to hide grubs and worms and spiders and scorpions and all manner of nasty diseases and bacteria.

Just what is it about bananas? Apparently they were scarce during the war and many people would have killed for the taste of one. Well. I would have killed anyone that tried to make me eat one. They seem to be everywhere in songs which is maybe why your red scarf matches your eyes, you closed your cover before striking, father had the shipfitter blues, and loving you has made me bananas. And of course, yes we have no bananas, we have no bananas today… Thank God.

So, that’s it. I’ve gone bananas because of bananas. Well, it was that kind of day.

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