Today is:
Loosen up, lighten up day.
This day is a day for relaxation, for letting go of all that
angst and anger and calming down which is hard given the terrible events in Paris last night.
Unfortunately there are people in this world of ours, both real and
fictitious, who simply can’t or won’t do that and spend their lives angry, shouting
and making everyone’s life a misery.
And now a message from our sponsor…
WHAT DID YOU SAY? LOOSEN UP? ARE YOU JOKING? LIGHTEN UP? HOW
CAN I LIGHTEN UP WHEN I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS AND PRATS. I’M NOT PUTTING UP
WITH IT I TELL YOU. I WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY. I DIDN’T SAIL IN ON THE LAST IMMIGRANT BANANA BOAT. I’M NOT GREEN BEHIND THE EARS. I’VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN ALL
MY LIFE. I’M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE. THE BOYS IN BLUE WILL SORT YOU OUT. YOU
CAN’T GO TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN, TAKE A CHILL PILL, CHILLAX. IF I WANT TO BE
ANGRY ABOUT EVERYTHING AND SHOUT ALL THE TIME THEN I WILL AND THERE IS NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOTHING YOU HEAR. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. I
HAVE THE POLICE ON MY SIDE AND I’LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN
AND STOP ALIENATING PEOPLE, YOU SEE IF I DON’T. YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE LAST OF
THIS. POLICE! POLICE! POLICE!
Sadly, despite Mr Shouty being a wholly fictitious character
bearing no resemblance to anyone living or dead this day would be wasted on him
if he lived in the real world. He could no more loosen and lighten up than say
something nice or be polite in a shop or bank. Mr Shouty is a bitter, sad,
foolish, fictitious old man, but he does have the police on his side.
He's just another type of fucking terrorist.
I hate Mr Shouty and his evil ways. I pray there will come a time that I can tell him to his fictitious face as the light in his fictitious eyes goes out. Failing that I will have to be content with stamping down the fictitious dirt on his fictitious grave,
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