Thursday 5 February 2009

No nin-nins?


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More unseasonable weather, at this rate it’ll be March until we see the daffodils in bloom.

Misty is going to the vet tomorrow to have the deed done, so we haven’t been able to feed her tonight. I think she knows that something’s up - judging from the way she’s behaving - but I don’t think she knows what yet...

‘Hey you two! Yes you! Keepers! Hisfault and Foodies! What’s going on? How come no nin-nins tonight? What is all this nin-nins rubbish anyway? I haven’t got Alzheimer’s you know; I’m not a baby. It’s not nin-nins, it’s fooooood - F-O-O-D, sustenance, fuel, scoff - not hissing nin-nins. And while we’re about it how come you get all the good meat? All I get is that tinned slop. Rabbit? More like rabbit’s guts. Turkey? It’s all eyes, brains, and feet – no way is that stuff juicy, succulent Turkey. I’ve seen Turkey and that’s not it - and what the hiss are those hard brown biscuit things all about? They taste like sawdust, and I should know, I’ve tried sawdust – Yuk, horrible stuff, but better than those biscuit things. Hey - you up there – where is my hissing nin-nins? I’m starving.

I’ve haven’t had a good day. I was late for a meeting with Black Sam at nineteen, and he wouldn’t wait. So I’ve still no idea if I have prowling rights. I was prepared to negotiate, but if he’d wanted a fight…well let’s just say that I went prepared – I sharpened my claws especially. We’re going have to reschedule, but fishness knows when - I’m so busy at the moment. And to top it all I thought I’d got that mouse from number nine – I was a whisker away from it, I was about to leap, when this hissing bell that you’ve forced me to wear went ding-a-ling-a-hissing-ling and it was off like a shot. Thanks, you cost me a nice little snack!

Tell you what, how about a treat? Give me a treat and I’ll do that paw thing you seem to like so much. How about it? Paw? Suit yourself then. Give me my nin-nins! Look, here’s how it works, I rub around your legs and purr, and you give me my nin-nins. Yes? No? How about this then, I rub around your legs, then leap up and dig my claws into you? Well, maybe not, it makes you scream and I have delicate ears.

What was that? What did Hisfault say? I’m going where? The vets? What the hiss is the vets? Can I get food there? Do they have nin-nins? If they do I can’t wait to go, let’s go now shall we? Let’s go to the vets and get nin-nins. What’s wrong Foodies? Why are you looking at me like that? What’s a shame? Nootered? Is that a new type of food? Can I have some? Can I get it at the vets? Can I get nootered at the vets? Will it taste of Chicken? Look, a joke’s a joke but can I have my NIN-NINS now please? Listen, give me some food you uncaring, sadistic, Fascists. I’m really, really hungry. Are you enjoying this? I’m not. Give me some food right now or the next time I get the chance I’ll trip you up on the stairs. I’ll love you if you do, I’ll purr, I’ll do that wrinkly nose thing.

Stop looking at me like that will you? You’re making me nervous. Hisfault - Foodies - what’s wrong? Why are you staring at me like that? Please stop. Why are you starving me? Have I been bad? I don’t remember being bad. Well, no badder than usual. What is it? What’s going on?’

Poor Misty she’ll find out tomorrow at ten.

1 comment:

  1. Poor Misty - hope s/he'll forgive you! Anytime she doesn't get her food on time in the future, she'll suspect a trip to the horrible human brandishing the sharp knife....

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