Rhubarb...Rhubarb...Rhubarb...

Well, I’m committed now, and before you say it I shall... I definitely should be. So here it is, my latest pile of steaming nonsense. Today my theme is truth and lies. Well, no change there really my blog has always been truth and lies (read the header), I just can’t be sure where the truth begins and the lies end. I’m sure my memories are true, but not so sure that I would bet my bottom dollar on it - not that I have a bottom dollar, in fact, I’m not sure I possess a dollar at all, at least not a US American one. No Yankee Dollar for me (very political).

I’m ageing quickly these days and, in the way of all ageing men, the truth becomes increasingly important to me. Of course, my intellect (which is so huge it’s the size of a small planet - no, no, please don’t applaud me) tells me that logically there is no ultimate truth only perception and opinion - after all, is rhubarb sweet or sour? And why do actors say ‘rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb’ whilst acting out conversations in the corners of the stage? Are they communicating some great truth to each other, something about the divine right of vegetables, and is rhubarb a vegetable or a fruit?

Aside: I had to break off there to find out because I’d begun to think that rhubarb was a leaf, but if pressed I’d have had to say a fruit - can you press rhubarb? Truth and lies you see. My truth was, until a few moments ago, that rhubarb was fruit but, according to the great God of truth who shall be known as the Holy Google, it isn’t a fruit at all. Rhubarb is a perennial plant that has stalks similar to celery. Rhubarb is, in fact, a vegetable, but it is often prepared or combined with fruit for desserts. Rhubarb can be eaten raw, but because of its tart flavour, the fact that it makes your eyes water, causes you to grimace, and has been known to sting your gently bits when you pee, it is more often cooked and sweetened with sugar and served with lashings of jolly nice custard. More pudding vicar?

You see my dilemma, don’t you? What I believe to be true so often isn’t and it’s only by questioning that I can arrive at the truth and that makes me appear a difficult old bastard. 

STOP PRESS - 

I am a difficult old bastard but the continual questioning makes me appear more so than I actually am (at least I think that’s true).

I love a jolly good rhubarb fight, who doesn’t? Originally it was a ladies game back in the twenties, but we used to have them at school on sports day. Armed with a long stick of rhubarb - with leaf still attached - the two contenders, dressed only in a pure white sumo mawashi (nappies made from bath towels) and a cricket box - beat each other’s bums in turns for sixty seconds until one of the rhubarbiers (that’s what rhubarb warriors are called) admitted defeat by plucking his leaf and then breaking his bashed and bruised stick in half. Yes, the winner got all of the custard as usual. Is this true? Well, it is for me but you can decide.