Not a rant...

Perhaps it's time, now that I'm back to blogging proper, to get just a tad serious - yes it's serious blog time folks! Mind you, being serious and talking from my heart often gets me into awful trouble and people get pissed off with me, refuse to talk to me, or just piss off forever never to return. Well, you can't please all of the people all of the time, so here goes. 

No, you can't be light-hearted all of the time and talking of hearts and light, sometimes I wonder if the fire in my heart is out (I think there could be a song in there somewhere our kid). I don't know if it's the result of my Brexit ranting, my despair at Trump, US gun laws, Allah, Christian kiddy-fiddling values, the US generally, how we still aren't doing much to stop the environmental disaster we've set off and that's likely to wipe us all out at some point not too far away, but it's all a bit messy don't you think? Yes, I'm, as always, a cheery soul, but the world seems so sad, as though we've kicked the shit out of it and it's had enough and is kicking us back and the shit is gushing and there's not enough bog roll to mop it all up. Consequently, I haven't got much heart left to keep arguing about it all, not much heart at all really. 

I keep telling myself that in some ways the world is getting better, less bottom line poverty, educational improvement, less conflict at a World War level, blah-di-blah-di-blah. But it's patchy and local even though it's happening. In most civilised (whatever that means) countries people can be who they like without fear. You can choose your gender, choose who you are attracted to, come out and have it accepted just as Philip Schofield (celeb plug there) has done, you can choose your religion and your politics, even say what you think (sometimes). But then there are other parts of the world where that isn't the case at all and in some of those parts of this wacky world, it's all going backwards. I'm thinking the Middle East and the USA amongst others here. 

God, just what is happening in the US? It used to be the land of the free where any Tom, Dick, or Joe could become president. It used to be skyscrapers and colour TV's, Cadillacs and Kildare, mom's apple pie and coffee. Now it's a shithole of a place. Abortion is becoming illegal again even if you were raped by your own father or some random stranger, racism is growing like Topsy (cleverish reference to Uncle Tom's cabin there. No please don't applaud, this is serious), the US police just shoot anybody they don't like the look of and get away with it. Trump doesn't believe in anything - least of all environmental action or Jesus - PRAISE THE LARD - or even having any decent values at all. The US military wage more wars than they have any right or need to in the name of the Flarg - PRAISE THE LARD - and of course, it isn't just Trump, it's a disease running wild in lots of Americans, no wonder anti-American feeling is on the rise. But they do have cheap gas and lots of flags and a white, blue-eyed, pretty Jesus - PRAISE THE LARD - so that's alright then.

Closer to home (well at home really) our poor old broken little Britain has become a joke both abroad and in the eyes of at least half of its inhabitants. We have a joke Prime Minister, a joke political system, a joke Royal Family, an NHS which is being fast-driven into becoming a joke, a BBC that's a joke of the worst kind - confused and believing in its own self-importance (that'll be £154.50 for a years worth of repeats and no choice, just pay up now, or else old woman), a joke benefits system, and the Union is about as unified as a box of panicked frogs in a jumping competition. Food banks - why? Homelessness - why? Rampant racism - why? Boris - why? I think you get the point I'm rather half-heartedly trying to make here - it's all rapidly turning to shit. I say, I say, I say. Why did Britain leave Europe? I don't know why did Britain leave Europe? To get to the other side...

Even more sadly, I'm daily becoming accepting of all of this shit, taking refuge in a nostalgic past polished by wishful thinking, embellished by golden memories that were probably only a little glittery and fools gold at best, maybe based on a true story and maybe not, but embellished by memory, enhanced by dreams, cobbled by fictions, altered by lies, embroidered by repetition and repaired by wishes. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is, all this remembering, this angsty debate, my jolly posts - just why? Even my carefully separated recycling (five bins no less) is sent abroad and dumped into the rivers and oceans and left to fill the stomachs of swimming creatures and half of all the wildlife of the world has gone AWOL in my lifetime alone. But, just why am I bothering to bleed my thoughts all over the place? 

Yes, the fire in my heart is out. Look, I've always been a cynical bugger, but at least I once stood up for what I thought was important. Now, I'm not sure anything is important outside of my only tiny sphere of influence and it really isn't much of a sphere, marble-sized at best maybe. Let's face it all of my shouting and ranting hasn't changed a fucking thing. We're still buggered, I may as well have whistled a happy tune instead of making all of that noise, at least then nobody would have known that I was afraid. Because I am afraid, I'm very afraid.

Sorry to be such a mizog (jolly word that), a killjoy, a harbinger of doom, a miserable old git, a negative influence, but the fire in my heart is out and I don't have any matches left or any kindling either it seems. Yes, ladies and gentleman hope (along with Elvis) has left my building.

Oh well, perhaps a miracle will happen and maybe Elvis really is working down the chip shop and still has a hunka, hunka, burnin' love and not just a wooden heart. Toodle pip.