F*** off...

F**k it, 1984 is here and those b******d thought police are all around us.

Manchester 2016, a few f******g years on from 1984, but it’s caught up with us and that t******g Big Brother seems keen on controlling what we think, what we say, and now even the words we use. What a crock of s**t, whatever has happened to this once great and liberal land of ours?

Some of our most ancient words have been f*****g banned by those f******s at Salford council. What a bunch of c***s. Salford City Council have really p****d off human rights charity Liberty by introducing a Public Space Protection Order at Salford Quays. Now, if you say the ‘F’ word (let alone the ancient and mystical ‘C’ word) out loud (rather than in your head like we all do from time to time) you will be fined on the spot.

The order was passed with the backing of local residents who complained that rowdy behaviour, mainly from football fans on their way to Old Trafford, was making their lives a misery. What a bunch of miserable f*****s. Perhaps they should have f*****g thought of that before they bought a b****y posh flat near a football ground. Stupid f*****g b*****s. Now, because of this small group of t***s, just 76% of a paltry 130 local residents, it is now deemed a criminal offence if anyone is heard using ‘foul and abusive language’ around the Quays.

What the f**k is the world coming to and who is going to write the list of offending words and deem what and what isn’t foul? Is c**k s****r foul (pun intended)? How about a******e, b**k, b****y, g*t, j**k, w****r, t*t or t**t?

Now I know a foul word or two (see above), but Shakespeare’s insults, put downs and cussing were second to none. He used many of the very same words considered ‘foul and abusive’ by those t*****s at the council offices, words that were in common usage until the Victorians decided they were swearing and sent them to Coventry (think about it). He also used words considered abusive in his time but would not raise an eyebrow today, cockered, toad-spotted, clack-dish, and fen-sucked to name but a few.

By the way, did you know that the word berk, quite often used in an affectionate and joshing way, is cockney rhyming slang and a shortened version of Berkeley Hunt?

Then there’s the question of body language? Will they arrest you if you flip the finger or present the reverse victory sign? Does it count if you swear in the sign language deaf people use and is it okay to semaphore, Morse tap, or smoke signal your insults?

To my mind, each time national legislation is used to shut us up, stop us using a word or phrase, or make it illegal for us to swear, we are one step closer to living in a police state where every word is monitored and nobody speaks out for fear of repercussions. How does this end? Well, for a start the authorities will be monitoring our calls and written communications, then there will be a list of approved words and words we are not allowed to use, and finally we will all speak in a meaningless drone saying nothing really just in case we offend anybody.

Oh fuck! We’re already there aren’t we?