Thursday 22 October 2015

Mr Shouty shouts again...

Remember Mr Shouty, that totally fictitious excuse for a person that bears no resemblance to any person living or dead? Well, for one reason or another he rides (or rather shouts) again and he seems to be very confused poor old thing.

You see, he doesn’t seem to be in charge anymore. No matter how loudly he shouts, how he spits and bellows, how he shakes his fist and stamps his feet, nobody is listening and agreeing with him. Well, except Mrs Shouty and she doesn’t count. After all, she’s only a woman and she doesn’t have any opinions, just a grey cloud hanging over her head and the neck action of a nodding dog.

Even when he makes up his very best lies nobody listens any more, even when he threatens to cut them out of his will they still won’t tow the line.

‘I WILL MAKE YOU TOW THE LINE. OH YES I WILL, MY BOY. I’LL MAKE YOU TOW THE LINE IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO’.

Of course he won’t. The tide has turned and Mr Shouty is at last seen for what he is: a stupid, bullying, sadistic, control freak.

He can’t understand it. How dare people take a view different to his, how dare they disagree. Perhaps they need to start living in the real world, the one that he made up and exists only inside his own tiny out-of-his-fucking-mind head.

Mr Shouty is so angry that he forgets to shout for a moment and instead whispers threateningly, and in doing so he proves that it really isn’t deafness that causes his shouty problem, but we knew that anyway, didn’t we?

‘It’s all HIS doing you know. If it wasn’t for him I’D still be in charge, still be in control. I’M not a fool, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know his GAME, I’M not Tom Pepper for nothing. I know how to get him. Now just let ME think.’

Mr Shouty puts the wheels of his mind in gear. They aren’t very big wheels, they never were, and they aren’t even particularly rounded. They are covered in an oily scum and crank and grind as the misuse of a lifetime along with the misshapen warped cogs clunk away. Looking at him you would almost think that he was deep in thought, except he has no deep thoughts. His thoughts are so shallow and full of self-opinionated bigotry that if he were to stand in them, his socks wouldn’t even get damp.

He thinks and thinks.

He thinks some more.

What is he going to do? How is he going to crush all these people that are so against him? Have they no gratitude? Have they no respect? And after all he has done for them, the sacrifices he has made, the egos he has damaged, the joy he has killed, the esteems he has single handed lowered, the mental illness and depression he has (almost single handed) caused, the laughter he has squeezed from their throats to make them choke on it. Of course it was for their good not his. He was only thinking of them, had their best interest at heart, and he has hardly profited at all from it - well, not too much anyway.

How is he going to make them do as they are told?

He thinks and thinks.

He thinks some more.

And then it comes to him.

He is going to shout until they do want he wants.

DO AS I TELL YOU OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR NOT DOING AS YOU ARE TOLD.

DOOOOOOO ASSSSSSS I TELLLLL YOUUUUU!

DOOOOOOOOO ASSSSSSSS I TELLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUU!!!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ASSSSSSSSSSSSS I TELLLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!”

But they don’t. So Mr Shouty just keeps shouting even though nobody is listening. Poor Mr Shouty doesn't he realise that shouting never wins an argument particularly when there is nobody left to shout at.


19 comments:

  1. Tim Preston on FB
    No more the darkness in this twittering world. Descend lower

    ReplyDelete
  2. JT Roberts on FB
    Perfect. Imagine if someone like this actually existed! Hahaha. The police investigation is already underway!! ACAB.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrew Height
      Andrew Height I can't imagine anybody like this, or at least I don't really want to.

      Delete
    2. Hi D - Ella. Actually I think Jed has a fine sense of humour. Watch this space.

      Delete
  3. Pete Bevins on FB
    Not fictitious I used to work for him

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    Replies

    1. Andrew Height
      I used to live with him but only as a character in a fictitious world wink emoticon

      Delete
  4. Cloe Fyne on FB
    And someone should put a sock on his gob! The knob head

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lindsey Messenger on FB
    Oh dear what's rattled his cage!!??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kingsley Roberts
      Hmmm, now let me think about that one Lindsey

      Delete
    2. Andrew Height
      Perhaps that now there's nobody left for him to shout out he will just shut up and leave us all alone to get on with being as happy as we can.

      Delete
    3. Andrew Height
      Yes, it seems the hens are coming home to roost at long last Lindsey.

      Delete
    4. You should be ashamed of yourself Lindsey

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    5. Here's the thing D-Ella. He's a nutter, people know that, always have and no amount of covering up will ever change that. And when you think about it, you know it too, it's just that you are as warped as he is. Get off my land!

      Delete
  6. As you can see there are certain group of family members who know Mr Shouty for what and who is is - even though he is fictitious. It has taken years but it feels like a weight is off my shoulders now that others see him as he really is and have spoken out. I feel vindicated and at ease.

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  7. I am though D - Ella, as you will find out if you continue reading.

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  8. Dear D-Ella, I have no idea why you are so incensed by people commenting on a wholly fictitious character bearing no resemblance to any person living or dead. I can only assume that Mr Shouty reminds you of someone you know and if that is the case you know him for what he is too. I feel sorry for you if this is the case as defending a sad monster like Shouty is unforgivable. Of course Shouty does not exist despite what you may see in your mind. If you recognise him then he must be real to you, but to me he is just a whim of my imagination as I have made clear.

    I have another character in mind which may amuse you though. Again this one is wholly fictitious and I call her Mz Stampy. She is never happy with what she has and stamps her feet when she does not get her own way, blaming the whole world for her own lack of responsibility and accountability – much like Mr and Mrs Shouty (who are wholly fictitious as well). Enjoy reading about her on my blog in the coming weeks.

    Best regards
    Drew

    ReplyDelete