Bong, bong, bong...

I’m told that when you have nothing to write you should just start writing. How this could possibly work is something of a puzzle, after all if you have nothing to write, you have nothing to write and writing something isn’t going to change that no matter what you may wish.

I had considered writing about the ITV News at Ten, or the Tom Bradbury show as I’ve begun to call it. Just what is this new format all about? It's all gone a bit out of focus, fuzzy even. 

I like my news reported, not commented on with opinion, pathos and humour thrown in for good measure; and I like a couple of presenters like Six Million Dollar (Mark Austin), Etchasketch (Julie Etchingnam), and Charlie Chalk (Charlotte White). Yes, I have nicknames for all the news presenters – Romany Cheeks, Spud, Baggy Raggy, Trebor MacDonut, Miss Kerplunk, Jimmy Durex, Tweety Pie, all in a Stew, I even have nicknames for the weather girls - Loosely Very Smelly and Beaky Mountains – and the local news reporters - Lucy Meecock (who I insist on calling Sukie, I leave that one with you).

In fact you can play the game of guessing who is who from their nicknames if you want to, and if anyone gets them all I will award a gold star. I'm personally sad to see the demise of so many welcome faces in my living room and I know that it’s very sad personally that I've been compelled to give them nicknames, particularly the ones so fraught with innuendo. It’s probably a throwback from my Billy Bunterish schooldays.

Anyway, as yet I have no nickname for Tom Bradbury. He’s managed to escape my schoolboy humour, although I’m sure ‘supercilious git’ would be quite apt, if a trifle close to the truth. All suggestions welcome.

It's odd what you write when you have nothing to write.