Thoughts from a telephone pole…

Finer feelings? Us gulls don’t have finer feelings, well us Herring Gulls don’t that’s for sure, and as for the sea – give me a good big rubbish tip any day. ‘Why starve in the air when waste ‘n leftovers are there?’ That’s what they say in the adverts anyway and I agree with them.

Yes, I’ll eat anything, and I mean anything, and as that other tagline says - ‘Green bread and the dead, keep a gull fit and well fed’.

Fish? Why would I get myself all wet and cold trying to catch a stupid, wriggling fish? For one thing I’d get my feathers drenched, for another I can’t remember the last time I even bothered looking for the sea, and finally… just what is wrong with taking a nice juicy lapwing chick? They’re very tasty and full of nutrition and you hardly notice the bones after a while.

Sometimes I go into town for a bit of fun and dive bomb those stupid holiday makers as they eat their chips. You should see them jump and flap, it’s bloody hilarious. Once I stole a sausage roll right out of the hand of a toddler, she screamed for so long that I thought she was going to explode. I swooped her again and gave her my best vomit drop. You should have seen her face. Made me laugh so much I almost… No, not almost, I actually did, all over her dad’s bald, red head. Served him right for trying to swipe me with his stupid Liverpool shirt.

Gah-gah-gah… kyow, kyow, kyow. Still makes me laugh when I think about it now.

Anyway, I’d rather drink from a drain than the sea any day. Have you tasted seawater? It’s full of salt. I can drink it if I want to, but there’s something so much more sophisticated about a Chateau Sewere 2011. It has such a delicate bouquet and a wonderfully lingering after taste.

Not a lot to see today, not a lot going on, but then I come here to think really. I find a telegraph pole the ideal place to mull things over.

Now let me think…‘The only true law is that which leads to freedom’.

Gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah - Jonathan Livingston Seagull my arse.