Mr Shouty shouts again...

Remember Mr Shouty, that totally fictitious excuse for a person that bears no resemblance to any person living or dead? Well, for one reason or another he rides (or rather shouts) again and he seems to be very confused poor old thing.

You see, he doesn’t seem to be in charge anymore. No matter how loudly he shouts, how he spits and bellows, how he shakes his fist and stamps his feet, nobody is listening and agreeing with him. Well, except Mrs Shouty and she doesn’t count. After all, she’s only a woman and she doesn’t have any opinions, just a grey cloud hanging over her head and the neck action of a nodding dog.

Even when he makes up his very best lies nobody listens any more, even when he threatens to cut them out of his will they still won’t tow the line.

‘I WILL MAKE YOU TOW THE LINE. OH YES I WILL, MY BOY. I’LL MAKE YOU TOW THE LINE IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO’.

Of course he won’t. The tide has turned and Mr Shouty is at last seen for what he is: a stupid, bullying, sadistic, control freak.

He can’t understand it. How dare people take a view different to his, how dare they disagree. Perhaps they need to start living in the real world, the one that he made up and exists only inside his own tiny out-of-his-fucking-mind head.

Mr Shouty is so angry that he forgets to shout for a moment and instead whispers threateningly, and in doing so he proves that it really isn’t deafness that causes his shouty problem, but we knew that anyway, didn’t we?

‘It’s all HIS doing you know. If it wasn’t for him I’D still be in charge, still be in control. I’M not a fool, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know his GAME, I’M not Tom Pepper for nothing. I know how to get him. Now just let ME think.’

Mr Shouty puts the wheels of his mind in gear. They aren’t very big wheels, they never were, and they aren’t even particularly rounded. They are covered in an oily scum and crank and grind as the misuse of a lifetime along with the misshapen warped cogs clunk away. Looking at him you would almost think that he was deep in thought, except he has no deep thoughts. His thoughts are so shallow and full of self-opinionated bigotry that if he were to stand in them, his socks wouldn’t even get damp.

He thinks and thinks.

He thinks some more.

What is he going to do? How is he going to crush all these people that are so against him? Have they no gratitude? Have they no respect? And after all he has done for them, the sacrifices he has made, the egos he has damaged, the joy he has killed, the esteems he has single handed lowered, the mental illness and depression he has (almost single handed) caused, the laughter he has squeezed from their throats to make them choke on it. Of course it was for their good not his. He was only thinking of them, had their best interest at heart, and he has hardly profited at all from it - well, not too much anyway.

How is he going to make them do as they are told?

He thinks and thinks.

He thinks some more.

And then it comes to him.

He is going to shout until they do want he wants.

“DO AS I TELL YOU OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR NOT DOING AS YOU ARE TOLD.

DOOOOOOO ASSSSSSS I TELLLLL YOUUUUU!

DOOOOOOOOO ASSSSSSSS I TELLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUU!!!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ASSSSSSSSSSSSS I TELLLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!”

But they don’t. So Mr Shouty just keeps shouting even though nobody is listening. Poor Mr Shouty doesn't he realise that shouting never wins an argument particularly when there is nobody left to shout at.