Tuesday 6 October 2015

Collective noun...


I’ve always loved that collective noun thing when it’s applied to animals; a school of whales, a murder of crows, a parliament of magpies, a congregation of alligators. It all seems a bit random really. There were no whales in class when I was at school, I have no idea why crows should be linked with murder, a parliament of magpies (the thieving kind) seems to make a little sense, and I avoid church as I don’t want to be eaten by religion. Anyway, it got me thinking about what might be the collective noun for everyday things like saucepans and cricket bats and it led me to write this little bit of nonsense.

Collective noun

An outpouring of watering cans,
A snippet of scissors,
A tedium of televisions,
An effervescence of fizzers.

A battery of pancakes,
A scholl of shoes,
A cricket of boxes,
A sniffing of glues.

A monty of pylons,
A tickle of ties,
A number of buses,
A slither of lies.

A band of bandages,
A cradle of caps,
A drizzle of lemons,
A rattle of taps.


1 comment:

  1. Paul Whitehouse
    A handful of wankers!

    Andrew Height
    Nice one Paul.

    Andrew Height
    Any others out there?

    Paul Whitehouse
    A griddle of chefs

    Andrew Height
    Thinking of your barbecue there Paul?
    Like · Reply · 12 hrs

    Lorna Gleadell
    a fizzle of fireworks

    Andrew Height
    Liking that!

    Nick Jones
    A crock of Tories.

    Paul Whitehouse
    A fungus of bin-men

    Nick Jones
    A swarm of Conservatives.

    Andrew Height
    Good to see you in the fray Nick.

    Paul Whitehouse
    A mission of evangelists


    Nick Jones
    A collection of nouns.

    Paul Whitehouse
    A pastiche of pretenders

    Andrew Height
    You are on fire boys!

    Andrew Height
    A bonfire of boys.

    Lorna Gleadell
    a disaster of rugby players..............

    Paul Whitehouse
    An upgrade of IT specialists
    Like · Reply · 11 hrs

    Paul Whitehouse
    A patchouli of hippies

    Paul Whitehouse
    A knoll of assassins

    Lorna Gleadell
    a harley of rockers

    Paul Whitehouse

    Lorna Gleadell
    a scooter of mods

    Paul Whitehouse
    Love that one Lorna ! Best so far !

    Lorna Gleadell
    Aw thanks

    Paul Whitehouse
    A typo of directories!

    Lorna Gleadell
    an emulsion of whitehouses !!

    Lorna Gleadell
    a fear of heights

    Paul Whitehouse
    A meaning of existentialists

    Lorna Gleadell
    A doone of lornas............... ha ha ha

    Paul Whitehouse
    A wookie of friendly monsters

    Paul Whitehouse
    A libel of solicitors

    Paul Whitehouse
    A frozen of princesses

    Lorna Gleadell
    a prosecution of judges

    Nick Jones
    A schloo of dyslexics.

    Paul Whitehouse
    An endeavour of TV detectives

    Nick Jones
    A shitload of nappies.

    Lorna Gleadell
    a cut of plasters

    Lorna Gleadell
    an annoyance of husbands

    Glyn Bailey
    A twat of Tories

    Paul Whitehouse
    A maniac of ....(fill in the blank)

    Lorna Gleadell
    schizophrenics !!

    Paul Whitehouse
    Love that one Lorna!

    Nick Jones
    A type of diabetes.

    Lorna Gleadell
    a giggle of tickles

    Andrew Height
    bit of politics there Glyn.

    Andrew Height
    Glad to see you getting in your minds into gear. You really are a faggot of brains. My work here is now done.

    ReplyDelete