The wrath of God…

Dear God, 

just why did you clean up your act? You’re certainly aren’t the deity that you used to be. How did the wrathful, terrorising God we all knew and loved from the Old Testament turn into a namby-pamby God of forgiveness and love in the New? Forget all that turning the other cheek, forgive and forget twaddle. I want an eye for and eye, a tooth for a tooth, a bucket of blood for a bucket of blood. I want the bush to burn, locusts to plague, seas to part, cities to fall, chickens to sacrifice, lightning to bolt. I want good old fashioned retribution that only God in old mode can offer. I want disaster movie God with all those floods, plagues, and no second chances.

Did you turn over a new leaf with the birth of Jesus? Did fatherhood do the trick? If not that, then maybe you came out of a negative bi-polar episode and swung way too far across to the positive. Perhaps you were kidnapped by some celestial kidnappers and replaced by an impostor, or perhaps you’re just playing bad cop, good cop, and at some point the old bad cop God is going to give us all another kicking. Tell me; just what is the word on the street? Oh, I forgot. You are the word aren’t you? There on every street corner in your omnipresence.

The thing is God, I think that you’ve gone a bit soft these days - soft or not there at all. Send me a bloody sign will you? Any sign will do. A few frogs raining down, a vision of Mary hanging it the air, even a quick visit from the Archangel Gabriel would do the trick.

You know what God? I’m really not at all sure that you exist. I think that you may have been made up by some ancient religious freaks who hung around the Dead Sea, then made over by another bunch of equally religious nuts in Rome who fancied a change more in keeping with the lovey stuff that Jesus had trotted out. That would explain your massive personality shift. Let’s face it religion is pretty much made-up by the religious and made-up characters often change their spots. It happens all the time in the soaps.

But then you know that don’t you? After all you are all-knowing, even if your ways are so mysterious that they seem to be totally random. Yes, you know; after all the oldest soap opera of all is about you. You are a story; just another soap and not a very good one at that. At least Dirty Den coming back from the dead was a teensy bit plausible, even Bobby Ewing stepping out of the shower made more sense that you do.

God if you really do exist then you are just too clean these days; another soap washing whiter than white, paler than pale. You might as well not be there at all.

Maybe I should wash my mouth out.