Backyard update – a new plan...

It was sunny, but chilly in my backyard this morning. There isn’t much happening yet, a light mist hanging above the cobbles as I decided just where to position my grape vines when the warmer, wetter weather, we are being told to expect, hits. This is the chance I’ve been dreaming of. Hotter summers, no frosts, and plenty of water; it should suit a backyard vineyard very well. Yes, I can see it now: ‘Chateau Merveilleuse Vie’… What a corker!

The Met Office is backing my vineyard aspirations, saying that we can look forward to wetter winters and sultrier summers. Apparently the vagaries of climate change, the Jet Stream, the Gulf Stream, and whatever other bloody stream you like, are changing our weather dramatically. Winters will be warmer, wetter, with less snow and frosts. It’s ‘likely’ that there will be a 17% minimum increase in rainfall, with the ‘extreme’ scenario as high as 45% in some parts of the country. All perfect for growing the grape and for making the very finest wine.

In a couple of years from now I’ll be sitting down at my backyard table, enjoying a glass of my very own plonk at practically zero cost; and if I drink it all myself I won’t even have to pay any tax!

Of course just where I’m going to put the grape treading bath, the fermentation vats, and the bottling plant is still to be worked out. But if worse comes to worse there’s always indoors. After all, with all this hot weather on the way who needs a house at all? Not when there’s all that wine to be had.

Yes, if it’s good enough for Sir Cliff, it’s good enough for me. Here’s to climate change and backyard vinification.

Anyway, time to stop dreaming. Cheers!