Hey, watch out, it's Friday 13th again. Of course, I'd forgotten this until my lovely wife had the good grace to remind me. I wish she hadn't mentioned it because my otherwise sunny morning suddenly went very, very grey indeed and the Friday the 13th terrors came over me yet again.
I'm no fan of Friday the 13th, despite it being a Friday and the weekend beginning here. It's a day for staying close to home, preferably surrounded by lots of lucky rabbits foots, various religious symbols (I'm not at all choosy when it comes to my gods), sitting in a calming yoga position inside a pentagram of salt and candles and staying calm, breathing deep, focussing on happy thoughts, and hoping the fcuk that you'll get away with it again (sorry, that should read fuck but I don't want to offend and invite bad luck on Friday the 13th, who knows what nutters are out there)?
It's not a day for hang gliding, juggling with knives, going for a mountain walk, opening a new tub or salt, placing all of your savings on a single number on a roulette table in a casino in Las Vegas, or walking across a field with a single 'cow' in it. No, any of these might be a mistake.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called ‘Friggatriskaidekaphobia’ or ‘Paraskevidekatriaphobia’ (I do so love big words, imagine the score if either of those came up in Scrabble). Frigg comes from the Norse goddess of wisdom after whom Friday is named, triskaideka meaning 13, and phobia meaning fear. Para is probably about parachutes (yet another thing not to get too involved with on Friday the 13th).
Apparently, If you cut your hair on Friday the 13th, someone in your family will die (short back and sides please, my man). If a funeral procession passes you on Friday the 13th, you will be the next to die (bad news if you live next to the crem). Never start a trip on Friday or you will encounter misfortune (best not to sneak off into Italy currently then). If you break a mirror on Friday the 13th, you will have seven years of bad luck (I tend to avoid mirrors at all times anyway, no refection you see). A child born on Friday the 13th will be unlucky for life (it didn't seem to do George Clooney much harm though - lucky bugger). Ships that set sail on a Friday will have bad luck (the Titanic broke the trend. It sailed on Wednesday, April the 10 - a stroke of luck that). If you walk under a ladder or if a black cat crosses you on Friday the 13th, you will have bad luck (snakes and ladders don't mix well either).
There's never a good day to die, but Friday the 13th has had its fair share of celeb deaths, Rossini (the Italian composer - tra la la), Richard D. Zanuck (of Jaws fame - dum, dum, dum, dum), The best jazz trumpeter ever, Chet Baker, jumped to his death in Amsterdaaaaam, Buckingham Palace was bombed in WWII and a servant killed (oh dear, how sad, never mind, carry on), the Andes flight disaster and subsequent barbecue which occurred (more ribs anyone?), and a disproportionate number of women drivers are killed on the roads in the US (basically because they are too busy worrying about Friday the 13th and not concentrating on the road or their make-up), oh, and let's not forget Tupac Shakur (buy one, get one free - I always think that when his name comes up).
But not to worry, on Friday, April 13, 2029, a large asteroid will fly so close to the Earth it'll be visible without a telescope in Africa, Europe and Asia, according to NASA (Day of the Triffids stuff - pass the white stick please). Of course, NASA is well known for using dodgy calculators (send for Bruce Willis). No need for concern though, don't panic, hang on to your bowels. Thirteen is only a number and it's just another Friday. It's not like Jason Voorhees is real or anything... hey, who's that outside in that hockey mask?
Have a good day.
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