Blog blog...

It comes to something (although I can't think what) when you have to search online for good ideas to blog about. At the minute I seem to be stuck in Coronavirus mode and (if you are like me) it'd be nice to think about something (anything) else. Porn isn't doing it (I've tried for hours and hours and hours) and whilst alcohol does have an effect, it only really kicks in when it sends me to sleep. 

Blogging ideas? Zilch. The internet it had to be then. 'Okay, Sily (she's a cheap pound shop copy) find me some good blogging subjects. '

After a bit of a pause (and a good shaking) Sily responded (her English isn't perfect and she does tend to repeat, but what do you expect for less than a fiver, Joanna Lumley?'

'Here is your tup tin good blugging toepics Aneeroo' (I did say she was cheap).

1 - Politics

Surely not! With my views on the world? One blog and I'd end up offending just about everybody on my friend list and I wouldn't want that. After all, they are all either silly stupid hippies (eating Vegan food and spreading world love) or raving Brexit bonkers patriots who call all Indian waiters Sabu. Some of them even drink real ale FFS! I, on the other hand, have a very balanced view of politics (on everything actually) - if you can't solve it by talking then nuke 'em I sez (God bless Boris, the Queen, and the Labour Party turncoat ex-miners who don't like the smell of curry or bloody foreign plumbers taking all of our jobs and amusing our women whilst talking Eurospek).

2 - Bacon

Apparently everybody loves bacon. Everybody that is, apart from the Jews, Muslims, Jains, Buddhists, Vegetarians, Vegans and God (who appears to be a seriously picky eater).

3 - Beginners Guides

Page one: Get a man in.

3a - Ultimate Guides
Page one: Get a team of men in.

4 - Bacon
Apparently everybody loves bacon. Everybody that is, apart from the Jews, Muslims, Jains, Buddhists, Vegetarians, Vegans and God (who appears to be a seriously picky eater). Did I mention that Sily tends to repeat herself?

5 - Personal Stories

Did I ever tell you about the time I met a pair of rampantly nympho gorgeous Swedish twins who smeared themselves in peanut butter and custard and wrapped themselves in cling film? No? Well, that's because it never happened.

6 - Swearing

Fuckbollockswanktwatbloodybastardbuggerarsecuntyshitjesus (that feels better... CHICKEN!).

7 - Advice

My advice is to never take my advice. I haven't a Fuckbollockswanktwatbloodybastardbuggerarsecuntyshitjesus clue. CHICKEN!

8 - Travel
That was something we did before Coronavirus when Big Silver Bird flew through the sky, cruise ships weren't floating isolation units, and we could go out shopping (didn't take long for it to pop back into my head did it?).

9 -  Bacon

Not a-fucking-gain Sily.

10 - History

In the days before the great virus, everybody loved bacon apart from the Chinese who prefered to eat bat.

11 - Parenting Tips

Don't have children.

12 - Coronavirus.

Fuckbollockswanktwatbloodybastardbuggerarsecuntyshitjesus Sily!

Sily - she's a devil, she can't count, but she is kinda sexy when she calls me Aneeroo.