6 sleeps to go - Dali takes a Christmas dump...

There’s an old midwinter custom in Wales called Mari Lwyd. It was a pagan thing that was around long before Christmas was even invented. Mari Lwyd means ‘gray mare’ in English. The tradition involves the arrival of a horse and its posse at the door of a house or pub. They knock on the door and then they (including the horse) battle wits, exchanging challenges and insults in rhyme.

'Come out and and give us tucker

You stupid Welshie f...'

Well, I'm sure that you get the idea.

Of course we all have our little foibles and I for one have exchanged a few insults on a Christmas morning or two over the years. I don’t think I’ve ever had a tradition involving poop though.

This of course is a Spanish thing. Let’s start with Caga Tia.

In English, Caga Tia is ‘the pooping log’. All you have to do is hollow out a log and then add a face and legs. You must ‘feed’ him every day beginning on December 8^th, and then on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, put him in the fireplace and beat him with sticks until he poops out small candies, fruits, nuts, salt herrings, garlic bulbs, and onions. There’s even a song for the family to sing to the poop log.

Poop log,
Poop log,
Hazelnuts and cottage cheese,
If you don't poop well,
I'll hit you with a stick,
Poop log!

The other Spanish custom involving poop is Caganer. Not satisfied with a Christmas crib the Spanish depict the entire town of Bethlehem, tucking the Caganer away in some private corner far away from Mary and Joseph. Well, he needs his privacy - after all he’s taking a dump. Caganers have been around for at least a couple hundred years and these days you can even buy Caganers of celebrities and famous people – The Pope, Barrack Obama, Mick Jagger, Marilyn Monroe, The Queen, a whole host of footballers, and my favourite Salvador Dali to name just a few. You know you’ve made it big time when you have your very own Caganer.

Check this out - CAGANER

I’m not letting this one go without something from Japan. The Japanese are so crazy, copying everything we do - even our Christmas traditions. The fact that they shouldn't really be celebrating Christmas seems to escape them and in Japan those traditions have predictably been shaped by commercial interests. Companies have messed the Christmas celebration around and made it into a cross between Valentine’s and Christmas Day. Bakeries sell Christmas cakes as traditional sweetheart treats; and you might have to make a reservation to get a table at KFC. Yes, Kentucky Fried Chicken is Japan’s Christmas turkey and the fast food franchise has persuaded the gullible Japanese that fried chicken is traditional for the Christmas feast.

Welsh insults, pooping logs, celebrities with their pants down and KFC for dinner. Sounds like a great Christmas Day to me!