I don't want to carp on but...

I came into the office one morning last week to find that the small lake or large pond (it all depends on your perspective) outside of my office window was empty! All of the water had disappeared - well almost all, there were a couple of dirty puddles left at the bottom of the slimy liner. Where had it gone? More importantly – what about the fish? The lake/pond had been full of fish, hundreds of them, where had they all gone?

I sometimes sit and watch the fish through my office window as I listen to long, and sometimes very dull, discussions about ‘blah, di, blah, di, blah, blah’ in the telephone conferences I’m often required to attend. Sometimes it’s only the fish that keep me sane – meetings really can be very dull.

How I fret when the Grey Heron turns up standing at the water’s edge, still as a statue, waiting until he ATTACKS, his long, darting beak emerging from the water full of wriggling golden carp. I’m often left screaming and banging on my office window in a vain attempt to scare him off, as the other attendees in the meeting listen confused at the other end of their various phones. ‘What is happening…a murder… a fire drill… an action point? No, the heron! I pound on the glass but to no avail, he always wins, it’s the way of nature I guess.

On a couple of occasions I’ve even fed them. Once with my sandwiches and another time with a tub of fish flakes I bought especially for the feeding thereof. I found the feeding of the fish incredibly relaxing and I was looking forward to doing again, but with the water gone and no fish to be seen…

So, what about the fish? I peer into the dirty brown puddles. If they are in there and the Heron shows up….

Later that morning a man in waders, carrying a net turned up and began to fish. Thank goodness, the fish were going to be saved! It took him a few hours of netting. He released them into large blue crates, which he carried off to his typically white van. I wonder if the fish will be returned when the leak is fixed?

Yes, The pond/lake has been drained because it has sprung a leak. The pond /lake… pool (yes, let’s call it a pool) covers a big area. I wonder how they are going to find the leak? They can hardly immerse it in a bucket of water and squeeze until the position of the bubbles gives the leak away can they?

Will the fish be returned or will they be taken to a new home, a home far away from my office and the long, purgatory of my telephone meetings?

How will I stave off the mind-numbing boredom if that happens?

STOP PRESS: Bad news – There's a rumour going around that the pool is to be filled in with pebbles. It is too expensive at £250,000 to repair the leak and the fish have been moved to some ponds on wasteland down the road. I feel a deep and inexplicable sadness that things will never be the same again. I hope that it IS just a rumour.