You are about to enter...

We drove to Aberystwyth last Tuesday. Don’t go – after twenty minutes driving around, not being able to find a parking space, not even a car park - we gave up and drove along the coast to Aberdovey – much better, almost more Cornish than Corwall, nice pint of beer, Cornish beer funnily enough.

We continued along the breathtakingly beautiful coast road on our way home taking all of the side roads we could find – turning left towards the sea and the nineteen-thirtyish settlements that huddle together in the sandy dunes whenever we were able. Miniature railways, salt marsh, long empty beaches, rickety wooden toll bridges - Sat-nav woman hated it and gave up on us eventually.

As we drove along, passing the variety of dwellings that bordered the tiny lanes we began to notice something strange…. was that an undertaker standing by a coffin in that garden? Could that be the Wicked Witch of the East on that roof, it certainly looked like her? Surely that’s the Crow man standing, letter in hand, by that post-box?

Ever entered the Twilight Zone?
Twilight Zone?
Cue Actor... 'My God, the village is inhabited by scarecrows - no ‘living’ people at all, just men, women, girls, boys - and other things that I can't bring myself to describe... all stuffed with straw and made to look human by the putting on of clothes! I can't take it I tell you... I can't take it!'

Poor chap. I’ll leave it to the inhabitants tell their tales. We got out of there as soon as we could. Time was getting on and I didn’t want to still be around after dusk. After all, who knows what happens in the Twilight Zone after Twilight?

Cue the spooky music...

'Is that bus ever going to come? Me and Mavis have to get to the shops, the baby needs more nappies, I’ve drunk the last of the cider, and Mave needs some lipstick - her lips won’t last forever, not with all the kissing and all later.

I hate waiting around. Mavis should have let me take the tractor like I’d wanted to. If that bloody bus don’t come soon we won’t be back in time for the midnight ball and I don’t want to miss all the fun - I likes a good burning.

Human once we was. Yes, human once. Not since the curse came though. I told that vicar not to go a'medlin' in things he didn't understand but he took not a thimbles worth of notice... and now, well now you can see for yourselves. We're all cursed by the Corn Dolly and there's no a'changin' that.'

'Oh well, can’t sit here all day waiting for the fish to bite. Where's the eatin' in a straw fish anyhows? I gotta get meself all spruced up and get meself down to the hall for the great dance. Once a year for a few hours that’s all the life we have left since the Corn Dolly came.

Rest of the time we’re scarecrows but for those few hours we are real again and alive as alive can be – you should see us – drinking, eating, laughing, cursing, fighting, loving... a whole years worth of life crammed into a couple of hours. I wonders who’ll be picked for the fire this year? It’ll depend on the votes as usual.

Hold hard says I... my money’s on that vicar, he’s been coming apart at the seams recently, made a lot of enemies, and that never does you no good. He should have been chosen last year, after all it's all his fault. Yes, my moneys on the vicar.'

'I’m all ready. Do you like my dress? My mummy made it for me. She’s not going to the dance. She’s not feeling very well. She didn’t want me to go either but I’m going, she can’t stop me – not now. It’ll be my first one. The Corn Dolly said I shoud go... she whispered it to me when my mummy wasn't looking.

Sorry mummy, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but you made her so angry. I had to do it. She told me to, and after all it IS my first one and there’s no chance of me getting voted as the burning - you were silly to worry mummy. Still you won’t have to worry about me any more, not ever again, will you mummy? Mummy? Can you hear me mummy? What? Yes, I'm coming Corn Dolly... I'm coming.'

... So, I've been to the Twilight Zone and come out the other side. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, or at least I hope I am... I sure that I noticed some loose straw in my shoes when I took them off last night and I've no idea how it got there....