Funny money...

I have seen my first plastic fiver and I’m really not sure what I think about it. Maybe it’s all those years of carefully handling grubby, worn through fivers or maybe it’s because they remind me of the plastic notes I had in my play till when I was a small boy.

Whatever it is though something doesn’t feel quite right to me.

It could be the see through 'Her Majesty' or the holographic five pounds switching between the ‘five’ and ‘pounds’ like a schizophrenic price tag. I used to get toys that did that in crackers at Christmas, a square of plastic that when you moved it a little turned Tom Cat into Jerry Mouse. Of course it could be the gold Big Ben (yes, I know that's the name of the bell and not the clock tower), parliament is one of those things that rarely glitters and certainly isn’t gold. I’m not even very keen on the picture of Churchill nor the motto ‘I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat’, shame as I was really wanting some dosh rather than a little work and some bodily fluids.

The blue-green colour is nice - I may paint our bedroom to match it – but it feels a little to smooth for my liking and it won’t crumple of fold and there’s no way that you can easily make the Queen’s arse by carefully folding around her chin and her neck, a sad loss to small boys everywhere. No more funny money.

Of course it could have been worse. They might have come up with a plastic five pound coin - only a matter of time I guess - and I’m sure all our other notes will soon follow. Who knows we really may end up with plastic coins? Well at least they would be lighter in your pocket and purse. I’d miss the clink as I avariciously count out my huge piles of pound coins though.

Progress eh? When will it ever end?