Oh Vicar...

It seems to me that God isn't going out of business anytime soon. Maybe I should have become a vicar, a steady job with security. Of course to be one I suppose it helps that you believe that Jesus actually was the Son of God and did all those things that the Bible says he did. But unfortunately I don’t. Not unless Jesus was a biblical David Blaine.

Mind you, perhaps belief isn’t so important. Good presentation, counselling, and communication skills could probably get you by, and if (as I do) you have a penchant for a little flower arranging – well, the job is as good as yours.

I’m not sure about the uniform though. Those dog collars look a little uncomfortable and restrictive. I do cut a dash in a black suit though, and purple really is a great colour. The hours seem good. A couple of services a week, a sermon to lift from the internet, and the rest is drinking tea, eating biscuits and wandering around jumble sales and fetes.

Now what denomination would I be? Catholicism is definitely out, as is being a Baptist – they don’t drink do they? No, I think I’ll stick to C of E. Well, at least I’ve got first level membership to that one and I was once asked to join the church choir - I declined. 

Yes, that's it. I’m going to become a vicar and spend my time riding around on a bicycle wearing clips and dinging my bell at my parishioners.

Off now to brush up my praying. God bless you all.