Day after day...

Here we are, another April Fools day. I really should find my silly hat with the bells and beat myself with a stick.

What a year since last All Fools, so many changes, so much foolishness. Sometimes I feel like that man in that song - you know the one, that fool who spent his days alone on a hill.

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I spend a lot of time alone these days. Hours in front of my computer searching. It’s an uphill struggle sometimes, sitting here perfectly still and I find myself grinning, remembering all those people that I used to spend so many hours with, day after day.

Sometimes it feels that they don’t want to know me any more. It’s not true of course; at least I don’t think it is. Without being there, up close and talking, it’s hard to stay in touch. I guess that they’re busy climbing their own hills, looking for the answers, like me. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t. I never give an answer.

I watched the sun go down today, bright red in the evening sky, my head up in the clouds as usual. It wasn’t until I stopped speaking and heard the silence enclosing me that I realised that I’d been talking to myself. Nobody heard me, so it didn’t matter, but I heard them, a thousand voices in my head talking perfectly loud. I must be going mad.

For a few minutes as I watched the sun, the world seemed like a horizontal Ferris wheel, a crazy helter-skelter, brightly lit with tinny fairground music playing all around. I let it soak through my eyes and into my head as it spun around and around. I was well on my way by then. Not that I noticed. I never do. I must be going mad.

I wonder what they think of me, do they like me? Some of them don’t seem to, maybe it’s because they can sense what I think of them, want I want to do to them. Not that I ever show it, I’m good at not showing my feelings. I never show my feelings - it’s all part of my madness.

I’m no fool you know. Just because I stand here with the sun going down, while the eyes in my head see the world spinning round, it doesn’t make me foolish. Mad certainly, but no fool.

Oh well, time to be off on this magical mystery tour. Mr. McCartney, will you start the bus please.