Gnome World...

Meet Brocklehurst, he’s my garden gnome. I named him after a gnome who appeared in a book that I read a long time ago when I was a boy. He flew on the back of an owl and lived in a hollowed out tree. I wish I could find that book now, I don't even know its title.

I have to admit to a real fondness for garden gnomes, there’s something about their silly expressions and those brightly coloured pointy hats that makes me feel good. Gnomes are guaranteed to make me smile and I think if people stopped referring to them as ‘naff’ or ‘kitsch’ and started seeing them for the good-hearted symbols of fun that they really are then the world would be a slightly brighter place.

Interestingly The Daily Mail reported last month that – ‘sales of plastic and pottery gnomes have doubled in the last year - suggesting that a new generation of homeowners are falling in love with the miniature figures’ , and Touchstone have a new film out ‘Gnomeo and Juliet’, so perhaps it’s beginning to happen.

I’ve carried a gnomish dream in my head for years now, well not so much a dream, more a plan really, and one I’d love to make happen. I want to create Gnome World.

Gnome World is a place for old and unwanted gnomes to retire to. It’s in the countryside, maybe Wales, and the World itself is enclosed within a small wood. Inside the wood live the gnomes in small groups or tribes dependent on size, activity, race, etc. So there’s a large pond surrounded by fishing gnomes, a garden full of digging gnomes, a sporty gnome pitch, a red hatted gnome village (Redhatterston), a rival green hatted gnome village (Gnomewich Green), a pipe smoking gnome area, and all the rest. In my mind the options are endless and Gnome World is a huge tourist attraction with raised decking walkways where families wander through the leafy wood taking in the wonders of gnomic civilisation that's all around them.

"Oh look! There's a gnome in a parachute hanging from that tree, and another climbing up that rock on a rope!" See, it's almost real.

People would (for a small yearly annuity of around twenty-five pounds - yes, less than fifty pence per week!) be able to retire their gnome to Gnome World and visit (at a twenty percent reduced rate entrance fee for retired gnome owners) whenever they wanted. Twice a year they would receive an online newsletter with pictures on how their gnome’s been doing, his health, what he’s been up to, romantic interest, any scuffles and arguments he’s had, court hearings, that sort of thing – a kind of personalised gnome soap. Your gnome would also send a birthday and Christmas card to his owner (Second class of course. Extra cards for additional family members are available at an additional cost).

And then there would be The Gnomerie Tea Rooms and Café, The Gnome-from-Gnome Gift Shop (selling gnomes and gnome memorabilia obviously), or have your picture taken with a family of life-size (over three feet high!) gnomes, and of course to amuse the kids we’d have the Great Gnome Hunt and in wet weather they could hand paint their own gnome in the Gnomic Art Centre (paint your own Gnome only £5.00).

Ah, Gnome World. As you can see I’ve spent a lot of time there. I could go on about it all day. Maybe one day my silly dream will be reality. I think it would work. How about you?

Here's some interesting facts about gnomes from our FREE Little-Gnome-Facts exhibition situated in The Gnomerie Tea Rooms and Café.

- Garden gnomes originated in Germany.The very first gnomes were made of clay and were produced by potter Philipp Griebel in Graeferoda, Thuringia.

- In 1847, 21 terra cotta garden gnomes made their way to the English estate of Sir Charles Isham, the 10th Baronet of Lamport Hall. See our full range of adorable terra cotta gnomes in the Gnome-from-Gnome Gift Shop.

- The world’s oldest garden gnome - Lampy - has been living at Lamport Hall for 125 years and is worth two million pounds. You can buy your very own Lampy copy in The Gnome-from-Gnome Gift Shop for only £11.99.

- In the 1870’s garden gnomes began to be manufactured in large numbers. Over a billion gnomes have been sold since then. You can paint and personalise your very own gnome at our Gnomic Arts Centre.

- In 1989, after the collapse of the Iron Curtain, cheap imitations were produced in Poland and the Czech Republic. Initially they were prevented from entering Germany by a law which allowed customs officers to confiscate them. All our gnomes are of the highest quality.

In the 1980s, the pranksters of the Gnome Liberation Front stole gnomes and sent the owners photos of them from landmarks around the globe. See some of our own gnome's holiday snaps later in this exhibition.

John Major’s father, Tom Major-Ball, manufactured garden gnomes after his circus career ended.

Yes, I'm mad as a hatter, a gnome hatter.