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Bananas, bananas,
bananas, bananas… laughing yet? Hilarious aren't they? Careful, don't slip on a skin.
Happy Banana Day everybody. Yes, it’s the third Wednesday of April which
officially makes it Banana day, a day of no significance or worth unless you
happen to enjoy the wonders of the banana. Personally, I hate them. I hate the
mushiness, the smell, the slightly slimy skin, the bruising, the way people
sprinkle them with sugar and make sandwiches from them. They are a quite
ridiculous fruit, a fruit with no purpose apart from being a ‘fantastic’ source
of potassium. Well, so are chips and I’ll take chips every time.
So stick your stack banana till de mornin' come where the daylight
don’t come at all, and you know what mister tally man? me wan' go home so tally my
banana. Yeah, whatever - sorry about that, I just got carried away with the
banana boat song. Banana boat song, I ask you? I don’t quite know what tallying
a banana entails, but I’m hoping that it doesn’t involve hiding the deadly
black tarantula somewhere discreet - which brings me to my next point.
Bananas are so unwholesome, even their colour isn’t a
pleasant yellow and, let’s face it; you can never be sure what you might find
in a bunch of those quite ridiculously shaped appendages. Fruits are meant to
be round, preferably red if you can get them, but a sickly yellow and shaped
like a don’t-know-what are liable to hide grubs and worms and spiders and
scorpions and all manner of nasty diseases and bacteria.
Just what is it about bananas? Apparently they were scarce
during the war and many people would have killed for the taste of one. Well. I
would have killed anyone that tried to make me eat one. They seem to be
everywhere in songs which is maybe why your red scarf matches your eyes, you
closed your cover before striking, father had the shipfitter blues, and
loving you has made me bananas. And of course, yes we have no bananas, we have
no bananas today… Thank God.
So, that’s it. I’ve gone bananas because of bananas. Well,
it was that kind of day.
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