How shit...

We will soon live in a world where adventure and danger don’t exist. A world where trees are legally declared too tall for kids to climb, the sea decreed too full of water to swim in, where kites are banned for being too close to the sky and fishing hooks outlawed as dangerous weapons – after all one of those could take somebody’s eye out.

Yes, the worrisome, worrying, nay saying, killjoy, humourless, bureaucratic, tiresome, do-gooding, heath and safety police have struck another blow in their attempt to make the world a less interesting and greyer place to live – or maybe I should say exist.

No, not conkers this time (as if that wasn’t bad enough) this time it’s the turn of the VW camper van to be murdered by silly, unnecessary, pen-pushing legislation.

Apparently Brazil is the last place in the world to still produce the ‘bus’. Now I thought Brazil was one of those rough and tumble countries where builders worked without scaffolding, knives were big and sharp and openly worn on belts, children killed snakes and rats with catapults and campfires were demanded by law when camping. Not so! Apparently Brazilians are as adverse to risking close shaves (see what I’ve done there) as we have been made by years of government scare-mongering about everything from salt to creosote.

Yes, it looks like another bit of our freedom has been lost. All over the world hippies, surfers and middle-aged men too sensible to buy a Harley will shed a tear. VW said it has made the decision as it can’t change production to meet the new Brazilian laws which insists all new vehicles must have air bags and anti-lock braking systems from 2014. Air bags and anti-lock braking systems on a campervan with a top speed of 60 with a fair wind, at a push, and with a wing and a prayer… I ask you? Besides, over 10 million Volkswagen Transporter vans have been made globally over the past 63 years and the accident rate is no different to any other vehicle, far less than most.

It’s their retro look, that ‘back-to-basics’ driving experience and the ‘not quite safe’ element that make dreamers like me everywhere want one. I’m not looking for safety, I’m looking for a little bit of acceptable danger… a camper van represents freedom and fun, it’s about adventure and chance, there’s a magic and charm to them that you don’t get with many vehicles. It’s the open road, making people smile as you drive past, it’s about the insecurity and the anticipated knowledge that at any moment you might break down.

A campervan shouts Bob Dylan, Beach Boys, Grateful Dead. It says ‘Surfs up!’, ‘Just go man!’, and of course ‘Let’s get the band back together!’ Apparently Steve Jobs even sold his in the ‘70s to buy the circuit board to build the computer that launched Apple - I mention this because it seems to say something important... I’m just not sure what.

In Brazil it’s used to haul the mail, by the militia to transport soldiers and by undertakers to carry bodies. It’s a school bus for Brazilian kids, a cheap group taxi for busy workers. They’re converted into food vans, popping up on street corners and serving corned beef hash lunches to starving gauchos - they even use it to deliver construction materials to unscaffolded builders on building sites.

They’ve not made a van in Germany since 1979 - the van no longer met safety requirements and European regulations - and with the South American operation gone what is going to happen to our dreams now? Even camper vans won’t last for ever.

Will we stop dreaming?

Like I said, we will soon live in a world where adventure and danger don’t exist. How shit.