This most traditional of English summer carries on. Sunny
and hot, humid and windy, stormy and wet all at the same time and all very
acceptable in the main, as good as any summer I can remember. Of course for the
most part I have spent much of my time in Wales , that strange half-life way
of living which isn’t quite here nor completely there. Not holiday or work, not
home or hotel. We fit into the village landscape; not quite holiday people, but
never quite local either.
Time is short. Waste it wisely.
It was Will’s funeral yesterday. For eighty-four years he
lived in the cottage next to ours. Eighty-four years of being a local,
eighty-four years to build up likes and dislikes, have the occasional feud,
even make the odd enemy or two I guess. Eighty-four years - much more than our
fifteen as his neighbour.
The funeral was a private one - by invitation only. The body
resting in the house and those invited gathering together in their blacks in
the living room where the local Baptist minister conducted a private service. Of
course there was no singing, no hymns, no recorded music, no favourite songs,
not even a radio playing; just the voice of the preacher droning on in a tiny
room for what seemed like hours, his guttural Welsh intonation buzzing like a
wasp caught in a window.
I was surprised who wasn’t there, and surprised by some who
were. I wondered why we had been invited given that so many neighbours,
neighbours Will must have known all his life, had not been. A responsibility,
yet at the same time a strange honour and not to be undervalued.
It’s hard to follow anything in a language you don’t
understand, even harder if it sounds like a series of grunts and
throat-clearing and you are standing in a room full of strangers. Even so, after
a while I began to lose the stiffness in my back, as it transferred to my feet,
and appreciate the melodic quality and cadence of the preacher’s voice. I stood
listening to the sound of the words, rather than trying to guess their meaning.
I’m sure that at one point the preacher said: “the dada has bought a new
Mercedes,” and that he called someone a “knobhead” (perhaps God) three or four
times. Of course by then I was mostly in a trance, his words lulling me into a
tranquil quiet that was almost sleep.
Occasionally he’d drop into English. I guess for the benefit
of my wife and me as, at these points, he’d always say the word ‘neighbours’
after ‘family and friends’. We were the only English of the score or so people
in the room and I felt relief and gratitude to hear even a few words I could
understand; even so it made me feel a little uncomfortable to be singled out in
this way.
“We may not understand, but my advice would be ‘don’t panic’.”
He said.
How right he was, although at the time I couldn’t help
thinking of Dad’s Army and Private Jones – Will’s family name coincidentally. Yes.
Don’t panic - the same words that I’d said to myself as I climbed the steep
stairs to Will’s bedroom less than a week before.
.
I was pleased that my cheap black funeral suit still just
about fitted. Relieved that I’d found my good blackish tie clean and not
crumpled and that I had a white shirt hanging ready in the wardrobe. I’d have
fitted in completely if it wasn’t for my Englishness, the small gloomy room so full
of black that it became a coal mine of clothes once hung in other wardrobes
awaiting outings like this.
Will’s body was in the smaller room to the side, enclosed in
an even smaller coffin. I have no idea what that room was used for, but today
it was a place for the dead to wait “before going on to the next life,” the
preacher said in English for the benefit of neighbours.
We followed the hearse up to the windy cemetery on the hill,
the graves arranged regimentally in lines. A five minute walk, but we drove;
part of the procession on Will’s last journey. The older gravestones were
slate, the more recent a shiny polished granite. Reading the dates I realised
that this place usually sees less than two or three burials a year. Perhaps
that is why it had only taken six days, including the autopsy and coroner’s
inquest, from Will’s death to his interment.
The rain kept off, the wind whipping away the preacher’s
words and scattering them across the fields. Somewhere Mair, Will’s wife, was
buried in this place too. I couldn’t remember exactly where and examined the
lines of graves trying to recall where I had stood those four years ago. I
promised myself that I must come back to look, but I doubted that I would. Even
with its solitude, the view of the sea, the sound of the wind, it wasn’t the
place to picnic.
They lowered Will into the ground and Carol, his daughter,
looked sad. For some reason people came forward to peer down into the grave. I
wasn’t sure if I should or not, but in the end I didn’t. Then it was over, the
preacher walking away and almost falling over a grave. He managed to keep his
balance. But I had to stop myself from nearly saying: ‘Maybe you should take
more water with it next time,’ despite his walking stick.
I can find the funny in anything. But I always find the sad
too.
Afterwards there were sandwiches, cakes, and pots of hot
steaming liquids for a funeral tea at a local hotel. Hefin, Carol’s husband,
had managed to arrange it last minute despite a wedding reception that evening.
Life truly does go on, and the cakes, scones, and sandwiches were excellent as
if to underline this fact. I watched as Will’s people enjoyed their food and
the chance to smile again, then they drifted away in twos and threes taking
their own particular memories of Will with them
As we were waiting for our turn to thank Carol, an old man asked
me ‘who (the hell) I was’. The ‘hell’ was implied, but his manner seemed overly
curt. “Just a neighbour,” I replied, suddenly realising with his question that
I was the one who had pronounced Will dead. It was me who had said the ‘dead’
word for the first time ever in reference to Will. I didn’t share that thought
with my inquisitor though, half expecting him to ask me just who I thought I
was to be making judgements like that and me not even a Welshman - and to be
honest I would have agreed with him.
We said our goodbyes to Carol and as I turned to her she
looked me in the eyes and thanked me for all my help on that day. I just
smiled. There was really nothing I could say.
I didn’t have the words.
And that was that.
Mark McNicholas on FB
ReplyDeletePoignant. I think we can all relate to this reaction.
Andrew Height
DeleteIt was an odd day Mark. Somehow I felt I should be there even though I didn't know if I belonged.
Mark McNicholas on FB
DeleteKnow what you mean.
Lindsey Messenger on FB
ReplyDelete......xx