Yes, I’ve always been a ‘yes’ man. No, not one of those
obsequious, slick-suited, smarmy, corporate types who say ‘yes’ to everything
that their bosses want, the ones who would sell their own families to further
their own careers. Shall I name names? No, maybe not, but you know who you are
and those of you that have met them know who they are too. No, I don’t say
‘yes’ just to curry favour, although why favour should be curried rather than
fricasseed or stewed remains something of a mystery to me, I do it for
altogether more deeply ingrained reasons.
I’m a ‘yes’ man nevertheless though; finding it very hard to
let any opportunity go by without grasping at it like the proverbial drowning
man with a straw. God knows why? I don’t remember ever being close to drowning.
I think it’s something to do with my upbringing; constantly trying to please,
even when you hate what you are being asked – told - to do, is bound to have an
effect.
It’s almost as if when someone asks: ‘would you like to do
this horrible task that nobody in their right mind would attempt,’ a mask slips
down over my real face and, although my mind is whispering ‘no’, the scary
clown inside me screams ‘Yes!’ A strange grin, almost a grimace appears on my
face, my eyes glaze over, and for some reason well beyond my ken I’m suddenly
Mr Ken Can Do, no problem at all, just show me the hare and I’ll chase it up
the flagpole - and the ‘no’ that was on the edge of my lips is cancelled into
nothingness.
Oh, why do I do it, when I know it’ll end in tears?
This ‘saying yes’ thing has got me into hot water over the
years: a marriage or two that weren’t exactly expected, a few flings that
roller-coasted into dangerous waters, jobs that were too big for my not very
shiny boots, promises that I sometimes couldn’t keep, but did keep by hurting
myself in various ways, sometimes years later in mental health terms.
I guess I’m like that girl in the song - just a guy that
can’t say ‘no’…
What a terrible fix to be in.
You see, the problem with saying ‘yes’ is that it commits
you. Saying ‘yes’ means that you are happy to do something and, in my
experience, I’m sometimes not. Mind you, I’ve built businesses, travelled the
world, and really grown as a person (sorry for that phrase, but it’s true) as a
result of saying ‘yes’ to things that I really wanted to say ‘no’ to and, at
the end of the day (as those footballing commentators say), it has brought me
real benefits that I wouldn’t have realised if I’d followed my inclinations and
said ‘no’.
Yes, that’s why I’m a ‘yes’ man, although these days I am
slowly learning how to say ‘no’. Maybe it’s my age, perhaps experience, or it
could be that I’m just getting increasingly cussed. ‘No’ becomes easier to say
as each day passes, although I don’t think I’ll ever be a real ‘no’ man.
Linda Kemp on FB
ReplyDeleteyou daredevil!
Fraser Stewart on FB
ReplyDeleteTotally understand you, Andrew. I suffer from the same problem.
12 hours ago · Unlike · 1
ReplyDeleteNick Jennings on FB
deja vu, hopefully learning to say no to only the things you must and not the things you might...