£6.6 million...

Sorry, I’ve tried leave it alone, but I can’t, so… that John Lewis Christmas ad.

Yes, the one with the two snow people, the one that tells the heartrending story of a snowman who goes in search of a perfect present for his snow person partner, the one with a little girl wistfully looking out of the window, the one that I have heard described on Facebook and other places as cute, and awesome, and lovely, and sweet.

Yes, the one that cost £6.6 million to make.

£6.6 million?

Yes, £6.6 million.

£6.6 million… how?

Well, firstly it was shot in New Zealand where, despite there being no John Lewis, there is snow around at the time they made the ad, not quite enough, but it was easy (if costly) to ship in a few snow machines then tickle it up by computer. Then of course there were the helicopters to transport the Styrofoam snowman, one of many that they used in the ad, to the top of a snowy mountain. That CGI robin probably cost a few quid, and the cost of shipping British road signs and a telephone box (which can hardly be found these days in Britain) to Auckland to make it look authentically British, can’t have come cheap

And, and, and… well, that’s just about it – over six and a half million quid well spent.

Well, I for one don’t think a few sugar-wrapped, twee, shamelessly sentimental, and (dare I say it?) slushy, ooo’s and arrr’s is in any way worth all that money. Besides, the ad is dull and predictable. Better that the snowman had found his love melted into a pool of water on his return. Better still if John Lewis had given the money to charity and then advertised the fact simply and as cheaply as possible on our screens for thirty seconds. That would have grabbed viewer and media attention just as well, and it would have been totally unexpected.

£6.6 million would have given every homeless person in Britain a place to sleep, a decent Christmas dinner, and even a pair of shoes this Christmas. It would have bought an awful lot of toys and treats for thousands of parentless kids. It could have done something for people in various states of ill health in hospitals all over the country, maybe even paid for a few operations. It might have heated quite a few pensioners’ homes for the Christmas holidays, maybe saved a few dying from hypothermia. The money would have bought an awful lot of schoolbooks, even kept a few more libraries open for a while. Need I go on?

Listen, I’m no Bob Geldolf, but John Lewis should hang their fucking heads in shame; they claim to be corporately socially responsible and then spend this huge sum of money to advertise a stupid beret, a pair of gloves and a scarf.

So stop billing and cooing at this silly seasonal nonsense. I hope that when you next see that ad you think about what all that money might have achieved. It isn’t cute, or awesome, or lovely, or sweet – it’s a criminal waste.

My advice – other department stores and shops are available, use them instead.